home stretch.

One month from today I will leave this place and head back home to live full time, beginning my new life as a funeral director.

I am so excited.
I am so nervous.

I will miss this place.
And the people who reshaped my life.
(however, i surely won't miss everyone...
there's been some bitches up in this place!)

I'm looking forward to my future.
I'm thrilled to be able to say that
and truly, truly mean it.

Zzzzzzz.

Garth says I, hands down, sleep far more than any person he's ever known. Is that a compliment?

Sleep has always been my friend. I love sleep. I LOVE naps.

I have sleep apnea, diagnosed in my late 20's though undoubtedly with me my entire life. I dragged myself through my teens and early 20's, always tired, medically sleep deprived.

I snore. Like nobodies business. I've been fat, I've been thin, it's not weight related. I just snore. I could have a surgical procedure thay may or may not help. I've never wanted to try it but snoring has embarrassed me more than I ever care to admit.

I sleep with a dreaded c*pap machine most some nights. It helps incredibly, though not perfectly, but I loathe its cumbersome mask and tubing. I feel so unsexy and embarrassed tethered to this humming machine. I don't even like wearing it when I'm alone. It's just completely uncool.

In complete contrast to being such the lover of sleep, I'm actually quite the morning person. I am wide awake early in the morning, too cheerful for most but raring to go. This unfortunately lasts only about 2 hours and then I'm ready for a 2-hour nap. Since most days I am unable to take a nap, I live on caffeine, usually black coffee. I don't think I could function without it. It is truly my drug of choice.

I also dream during all this sleep. Vivid, action packed, bizarre dreams. I remember most in great detail though the details become fuzzier as the day progresses.

Lately, there's been a change. If left undisturbed, I will sleep until at least noon. Today I slept until almost 1pm. I went to bed at 11pm! Is that normal?! I'm taking it as a sign of how exhausted I am. This past year is hitting a pinnacle for me even though it's actually almost over. I'm hitting the physical, mental, and emotional wall of everything in life coming down on me at once.

How do I handle it?
I sleep.