almost a month?

it's really been almost a month since i last updated? wow. that time has flown by but then again it feels like eternity.

i've been working for 3 weeks now. it's an exhausting new schedule. i knew what kind of time commitment i was investing into this career but no one gave my feet a fair forewarning. they've been swollen, some days almost unrecognizable, since i'm standing 99.8% of my usual 10 hour days. naturalizer makes great shoes and since i bought 3 new pairs, i'm finding they're already helping.

the jury is still out as to whether this is "the place" for me. i've learned a ton already, enjoy the people and am keeping an open mind. 'nuff said.

i know i should feel so very blessed to have all that i have and i do! i have a great life, a great education, a job, etc....i just wish things could slow down or even just have my brain become acclimated a little better. between the roller coaster of school & life this past year away, then the national conference exam and now this new job, my brain has never truly shut off... or heck, even slowed down. i haven't relaxed, had a moment to myself nor been able to take the sunny vacation that i wanted to, have a graduation party or even enjoy being out of school. it's go go go, juggle juggle juggle, schedule conflict after schedule conflict. i know this is most peoples life. i get that. but it hasn't been mine. as a stay at home mom, i didn't have schedule conflict. hell, i didn't have a schedule. sick kid? no problem. dentist appointment? whenever! then again, i also felt unproductive, unmotivated and invisible.

i know God meant for me to do this, i feel it in my heart at every moment and feel most at peace with myself at, of all places, a funeral home.

how many can say they've found that in life?!

but....

i wish my brain would slow down.
and my feet would un-swell.
the anxiety and self-doubt would cease.
the guilt of the juggle would lessen.

in the big scope of life, i am very blessed.
i know this to be true.

i tell myself each day as i'm driving to work,

life is good.
life is good.
life is good.

someday i might even believe it.