mother/son bonding, sort of.

Last week was the annual Shamrock mother-son dance. It was rescheduled 3 times due to space conflicts but it finally did happen. Yes, I'm wearing my Easter jacket twice in one week so shush. It was a St Pats dance, I had to wear green!

When I attended this with my oldest we danced the entire night. He & I hung out, had snacks and danced. He's now too old to attend. This year I took the younger 2 boys, having snuck in a preschooler by claiming he was a kindergartner. It's not like I didn't pay for him to come! Whatever, there were like 3 year olds there too so apparently I'm not the only mama trying to get in a little mother-son bonding time despite the minimum age being kindergarten.

To be honest, a little alcohol would have made this 2 hour dance a lot more tolerable. Luckily I ran into a couple of moms I know otherwise this time would have been even more awkward than it was already. The boys didn't want to dance and when I forced W to dance with me on a slow song he whispered into my ear 30 seconds in that he really didn't want to dance with me. So off I slunked to the side of the gym, defeated like it was a school dance and I was the dejected girl. I realize slunked is not an actual word but most girls can relate to the emotion/motion of slunking over to a wall just to stand there like an embarrassed, rejected wallflower.

So no dancing. W (see above) did get his groove on alone a few times. The boys did have a blast running around with their friends. Not a ton of mother-son bonding occurred, at least nothing magical to speak of. Both boys participated in the limbo contest and although J did really well and made it through quite a few rounds, W is a total cheat. That W, he was just being W so its hard to fault the 'lil dude. The kid has more personality than a lot of adults I know.

It was fun, I guess (who am I kidding, it was downright painful), but I am glad we went. It was nice to spend some 2-on-1 time with my boys. That said, I'm not exactly counting the days until the next one though. ;)

It's official.

As of today I have lost 26 pounds!

Screw that half way -25 lb. mark,
I blew right past it.

Happy girl ~

M.

Half empty. Half full. Half way.

I'm .8 lbs away from a 25 pound weight loss. I've never lost 25 pounds before. Hell, I've never lost 10 pounds before on purpose. It's been 4 months & 4 days and I'm .8 lbs away from the half way point. I cannot believe how far I've come and how much I've learned. I'm amazed I have not yet given up on my regular workouts, my new completely overhauled feelings toward food, or biggest yet, on myself.

I'm proud of where I've come from. I'm proud of where I am. I roll my eyes at doing it basically over again to get to my goal. But, I can do this. I will do this. I AM doing this. Its a challenge completely with myself - with my mental commitment, with my integrity to see the job through to the end and with my personal strength & stamina, which I keep watching grow more & more each week. I have abs under that loose skin! I have biceps! What the hell?!?!?!?

A year ago I would have celebrated a milestone with a fat cheeseburger & french fries. While I'd still love to, I've learned now that that will only set me back, somewhere I'm no longer willing to go. I'm going to celebrate the official 25 lb. mark when it happens, with a tall cold glass of wheat grass juice. I actually like the stuff!

AHHHHH!

That title isn't "ahhhh" like I'm at the spa or getting a massage. It's an "AHHHHHH!" like I'm semi-ripping my hair out.

My daughter is totally into her rip everything, open everything, dump everything, draw on everything, climb everything, throw everything, spill everything, impressive tantrums complete with pounding fists & kicking feet on the floor stage.

This too shall pass. Yes?

I'm still not getting good sleep. I'm physically exhausted. I spend most evenings in bed and I know I sincerely cannot go on much longer like this. I thought exercise was supposed to help with your energy levels. I guess not when you're not getting good sleep at night. I'm feeling extremely run down, which makes my patience with above mentioned "terrific two's stage girl"a little strained.

On the upside (I suppose), I hit a milestone today. Or maybe its a record set. Or just an all-time high. Regardless, my workout shirt today was like no previous workout before. Soaked up the front and down the back. I could have literally wrung it out in the locker room. When doing push ups on the workout ball, I was dripping sweat off me steadily onto the floor. Gross, I know, but I knew I was pushing myself and that felt great.

Terrific two's is climbing into my chair and hanging on me like a monkey so this ends today's blog. Off to sing/play itsy bitsy spider for like the bajillionth time this week.

Easter 2008

Easter was a wonderful holiday this year. Our church service was different & unexpected but the message came through loud & clear as to what Easter is truly about.

After church we went to my sisters house for Easter lunch-dinner-constant snacking. I'm sure I ate far too many calories but I sucked it up and cut myself some slack. I did eat a lot of raw veggies rather than lots of other things I'd have rather eaten so it did feel good that perhaps this healthier lifestyle is beginning to stick in my head and will, indeed, become a lifelong behavior.

We had a 130+ egg hunt and all the kids, the 2 youngest girls included, really got into it. E understood the concept of finding those eggs, putting them in her bag and then getting the candy out of them FAR more than I gave her credit for - she did GREAT!

The adults played sequence, euchre and skip-bo while the kids ate candy, played playstation and just flitted about the house. It was really a great day with family - we are all so blessed and take far too much for granted.

A lot of our pictures from yesterday came out really dark and/or blurry and I was so disappointed. I fiddled around with the settings on my camera and think I have it fixed now (at least I hope so!).

I'm so happy to say that when I uploaded the pictures this morning it was the FIRST time in about 5 years that I didn't immediately start self-loathing thinking, "ugh, you are so fat & gross". I looked at the pics and actually smiled, other than the fact that so many were dark & blurry. I thought, "i've still got a ways to go but wow, I look like ME again". I'm proud of myself and that doesn't happen very often.

-23 pounds and counting... :)

Rejoice!

Remember His sacrifice.

Celebrate His resurrection!

He is risen! Happy Easter!

pushing forward.

Since I blogged yesterday, I've been to the gym twice and had two long afternoon naps. I'm completely wiped out.

I've got to get this insomnia thing figured out. I've never suffered from it before and I'm not sure how much longer I can handle it. My body is so mentally & physically exhausted that I could be so bold as to say I swear I'm pregnant. Sweet mother, what a curve ball that would be if thrown at me - one helluva monkey wrench in my weight loss & plastic surgery plans.

Rest assured, I'm not pregnant. But I sure have that same early-pregnancy exhaustion. I just need a few nights of solid sleep and I know I'll be good to go again. And hopefully get over this weight loss plateau. I'm positive this no sleeping thing isn't helping my body.

I busted butt at the gym this morning, harder than I ever have on my own. Usually the days I see my trainer I get a workout that is far more intense than I tend to push myself on my own. It felt good knowing I really did more than I usually do - I even forced myself to do a handful of exercises/machines that I hate because they are so hard. I had to cut my cardio a few minutes short out of exhaustion but I made up for it in the weight room. I walked to the showers hot, sweaty & simply out of gas.

I'm not giving up on myself yet. I'm no quitter. Never have been and I'm sure as hell not starting now.

Wiped out.

I'm at a weight loss plateau. I feel like I'm hitting a wall and its not a wall where I want to stay. I've got goals and I'm not a quitter. But come on, throw the girl a bone once in awhile.

I'm still exhausted from this past weekend. Like dragging ass exhausted. We were always on the go but worse, I haven't slept a whole night through in about a month. I'm a 8-10 hour a night sleeper and this 4-6 hour shit is getting old fast. I feel like I could just shut my eyes at any moment and sleep for 12 straight hours, wake up and eat, and sleep another 12. This insomnia is really taking a toll on me.

On the upside, I am sporting a new workout outfit today that my mother-in-law bought me last week. A few new workout outfits are just what I needed. All my old gym clothes were just hanging off me and were looking haggard to say the least. I decided I was too tired to go to the gym this morning but now that the afternoon is wearing on, I'm feeling too guilty not to go so I'll go later this afternoon and just get it over with.

This weight loss commitment is exhausting. Far more than the physical exhaustion of constantly working out is the mental exhaustion. I write down every single thing that sees my lips, in measured quantities. Always being two steps ahead of the next meal, that are supposed to be 2 hours between one another, is seriously a drag. I don't miss most of the foods that I've given up in search of a new, healthier me but I do miss the ease of wanting something, grabbing it and just eating it without evaluating or debating the consequences. Some days I just want a huge bowl of pasta with lots of marinara, dang it.

Basically I can sum up my entire mental & physical state right now in one word: exhausted.

My husband sent me this video today. He said he knew *I* wouldn't be able to relate to it but that it was hilarious just the same.

Oh honey. Come now. I think we ALL can relate to it in a lot of ways.

I laughed at some of the 'womens' reactions and know I've been there many times before. My reactions to things said don't always make sense but its good to see I'm not the only one making them. ("where are you going?" get away from me! where are you going?!")

And honey? I didn't marry you for your money. If I had, I'd have held out for a few more $100 G's per year at least. Or at least enough that I could have bought that $220 green purse this weekend that was so beautifully lovely, without batting an eyelash.

Nah, who am I kidding, I'd still have wanted about $210 back in change had I paid that much for something so much more tied to status vs. value, even if we did have the mad cash to do so. I've never been much of a status girl anyway.

However, I do appreciate every hard earned dollar you do make and have the utmost sincere gratitude while spending it.

I love you. Now get away from me! (just kidding)

Bonding over beer & Lifetime television

I am home from Chicago. I had a wonderful 3 day visit with Tonia. We had a lot of fun, drank a lot of beer, spent a lot of money, took a lot of cab rides, drank even more beer. I'm whooped. I'm totally getting too old for these multiple day benders.

Tonia and I know how to get our drink on, laugh insanely, dance our fool heads off (on tables no less!) and just plain have a good time together. We mastered those actions years ago.

There was something else that warmed my heart this weekend. It was the 3-4 hours straight we laid on Tonia's million-thread-count comfy bed, watching Lifetime, googling gross things on Tonia's laptop that derived from disgusting conversations the evening before (long story, don't ask unless you want to hear the definition of an "ugly vagina" as told by a drunk dude in a bar -- thankfully I apparently don't have one. The verdict is still out on Tonia)...I digress... I was struck by the silent contentment I feel when I'm around Tonia. There's only a small handful of people in my life who I feel that complete contentment just by merely having them in the same room with me.

After probably the 200th burst of too-loud laughter, Tonia's husband came jogging down the hallway, burst into their bedroom, looking exasperated. He said he'd been upstairs, watching basketball, listening to us talk & laugh non-stop for the previous 2 hours. He wondered if we had anything possibly left to talk about. I assured him we did. I think he might be a little envious of the friendship & bond we've shared for the past 24 years. Its pretty impenetrable, that's for sure.

I love my Toenail (Tonia). I miss her living down the street. I miss talking to her, seeing her and confiding in her whenever I want to. I miss the 2 hour non-stop talks and laughter. I miss her in my daily life so much and its these weekends away that slap me in the face with the reality that chances are very, very good we'll never live in the same state again, much less the same city. I hate the 4 hour car ride that stands between us.

It was awesome to come home today. I missed my Garfa. I missed my kids. I missed my life here. It feels a little bittersweet to be back home though because its only been a few hours and I already miss my Tonia too.

Kiss My Blarney Stone.

I'm almost all packed. Laundry is caught up. Hopefully the GMan got me some cash & put gas in the car.

I'm off to The Windy City tomorrow for a no holds barred long St. Patrick's weekend filled with complete & utter debauchery with my girlfriend Tonia (she lives there). Kudos to the Gster for staying home and taking loving care of our childrens. Last year we celebrated together and we'll plan to celebrate together again next year. He is truly da man and I love him madly for helping make this weekend with Tonia possible. :)

St. Patrick's Day ranks up there with my birthday as one of my most favorite days of the year. Yes, I have some Irish in me but that has very little to do with why I like it. Ok, maybe a little, but the ever-flowing green beer and camaraderie of friends who all take the day off from work to be together, wearing matching shirts, makes for some great laughs and incredibly fond & priceless memories.

This year I'm not celebrating with the usual group of friends. I'll miss them but this year I chose to venture out, change course and try something new. Tonia came into town for St. Pats last year so this year I'm returning the favor. Ain't no drinking unless me & Tonia are drinking so I'm pretty sure we've got some good times ahead.

Erin Go Bragh!
~ Marissa

The joys of being, and raising, a toddler.

Piss & Vinegar. That's her new name. She's earned it and wears it proudly. The 'terrific 2s' will be upon us in just 2.5 months but she's always been a little ahead of the game. She's got this being 2, and acting it, thing down pat already. A childcare worker at the gym called her "a little pistol" today. I think she was just trying to be nice.

The screaming. The full-out tantrums. The chasing. The opening & emptying of drawers. The opening & emptying of bags. The screaming. The opening & emptying of cupboards. The markers. The pens. If it can draw, she draws on her body and oh yes, she's even done the walls already. The kicking. The screaming. The running. The climbing. The whining. The screaming. Oh, that ear piercing screaming.


The independence. My ever-dependent baby is being replaced by a stubborn do-it-myself'er.


The constant inquisitiveness. The exploring. The love of learning.

The new-found love of Dora the Explorer. The adoration of music & dancing. The love of laughter, being silly and finding out what makes other people laugh. The discovery of language and communication. The never ending thirst for being read to.

The rare moments between the former baby of the family and his much undesired little sister, playing together, caught on film. For the most part, to our dismay, he avoids her. Kissing her is acid to his lips. But in those rare moments, unprovoked, I know he thinks she's the bees knees, just like I do. She hangs onto his every word and wants to be exactly where he is. I know he thinks its pretty cool having someone look up to him, even if its really annoying at times.

It's not in the posed, formal pictures you take - it's just not there. But when you look at the "outtakes" of pictures you've taken, you can often see the magic of a persons personality shining brightly through. Our family has a lot of "outtakes" ~ perhaps its because none of us are lacking, even remotely, in personality.

Did I mention the screaming?!

Stupid is as stupid does.

I have a few people in my life that I sort of think of as stupid. Is that mean? Perhaps. But seriously, they are not by medical terms mentally challenged - they're just stupid. I can think of 3 right off the top of my head. And geez, think I'll name them right here? What do you think I am, stupid?! One is ignorant backwoods, one is a Debbie Downer wet blanket and the other is obsessively, competitively, just plain stupid. I heard this joke yesterday and actually thought of all 3 of them:

I have 4 dogs and I was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal-Mart and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her. Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned. I told her no; it was because I'd been sitting in the street licking my ass and a car hit me. I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard as he staggered out the door.

Stupid woman....why else would I buy dog food??

I almost peed my pants after reading that. It seriously made my day.
Chances are good if you're reading this, I'm not talking about you.
Or am I?! ;)

Happy Tuesday! Now go out and try not be stupid today, ok?! :)

I'm getting too old for this.

I didn't even drink that much. But then again, I haven't drank much alcohol at all in the past 3+ months. Man am I hurting. It's now 2 days later and I'm still hurting. I turned down the shots, stuck with just beer and even threw back a few large glasses of ice water for good measure. To no avail, the killer hangover would not stay at bay.

A birthday celebratory night out with a group of friends you're so comfortable with that you're just "you" and that's good enough never happens often enough. Happy Birthday Mike, I'm pretty sure you had as much fun as we all did!

I have no idea how I'm going to survive St. Pats weekend in Chicago now. My head already hurts and my tongue goes dry just thinking about it.

Update: Having now heard that most of the group spent Sunday feeling of complete & utter death, I feel a little better about myself and that late night nudey hot-tubbing we did. Perhaps everyone was too drunk to have the sight of my floppy boobies seared into their long-term memory. One can only hope. They all better stand back in awe & amazement when they catch sight of my new & improved juglets later this summer. Bwhahahaha!

weekend, weekend, it's finally the weekend.

Oh thank goodness the weekend is finally here. This has been like the longest week ever! It hasn't helped that I'm so uber-excited about going to Chicago next weekend to visit Tonia & celebrate St. Pats that its making the days seem even longer than necessary.

Yesterday while rummaging through my closet I found a shirt with tags on it that I bought this past fall. I loved the shirt when I bought it and knew that I would lose weight and it'd look even better on me. Don't we all buy clothes like that?! So anyway, I was all excited because it's a really cute shirt. I tried it on and wouldn't you know it? The dang thing is TOO BIG! I'm not complaining but somewhere in the recesses of my brain I was a little disappointed as the shirt is really cute and I know I won't find it again in the store to buy a smaller size. I'm going to get one wearing out of it this weekend even if it is a little blousey. Is blousey a word?! Regardless, I still have some stellar cleavage in it, even if my beautiful lovelies have shrank far too much for my liking with this weight loss thing. I wonder if my mom could alter the shirt for me. Hmm, good idea. Too bad she can't fix my boobies - it'd be a lot cheaper than surgery.

The scale isn't budging right now and I'm actually up a lb. or two depending on what time I step on the scale. Mentally I need to reach my next mini-goal by St Pats Day and I'm determined to get there. Its only a few pounds but I need to do it. I've worked out every single day this week but I am taking today off as a rest day. Yesterday my arms hurt so bad from Wednesday's workout that it actually hurt to put on deodorant! Yikes, that trainer. She's worth every penny. :)

Happy Friday, Ya'll!

Just Tomatoes, Etc.

A few years ago I fell in love with a snack called Just Veggies made by the Just Tomatoes, Etc. brand. Oh man, is this stuff yummy!

My faves of the dried vegetables: http://www.justtomatoes.com/dried_vegetables.html
Peas (E loves these!)
Just Soy Nuts
Just Veggies

My faves of the dried fruits: http://www.justtomatoes.com/dried_fruit.html
Just Apples
Just Strawberries (my ultimate favorite)
Just Fruit Salad (a great way to try lots of the different fruits in one container)
Just Raspberries (another uber-yummy one)

Others I want to try but have not yet:
Just Blueberries
Just Tropical Fruit
Just Blackberries
Just Persimmon (I want to try this one but I've never tasted a persimmon in my life, have you?)

There is only one I bought that I have yet to say "mmmmm" over. It's Just Cranberries. Whoa, those suckers are tart. They are not bad by any stretch but there's no way I could sit and eat the entire container at once. A handful of them at one time is plenty.

If you've never tried these snacks, you must look for these at your local health food stores. Perhaps they are in some regular grocery stores but I can only find them locally at our health food store.

Some of the Just Veggies you can eat just like popcorn, straight from the container. Others are meant to be cooked with, put in sauces, casseroles, etc. They are all SO good and so good for you too! Most are available in both regular and organic versions. Try them! Try them! :)

New subject, please!

I'm going to get off my weight loss subject since I see my last 3-4 posts in a row are about it. Oops! It's a big deal to me apparently. :)

This weekend I'm going to a pom pom/twirling competition with my sister and our daughters. I'm pretty excited about it. Having spent my entire childhood at them, competing, they became a part of me. What's the coolest part is that our former coach will be there, but doesn't know we are coming. She was our coach on our competitive traveling team from the time I was 4 through high school and she was also my coach on my high schools team. We obviously go way back and she knows my entire family very well. I haven't seen her in many years now and I'm excited to see if she even recognizes my sister & I. My sister is quite positive she will right off the bat.

Since she is still coaching, my sister & I plan to enroll our daughters as soon as they are old enough. My niece will be 4 next month so obviously she'll start before E, who will only be 2 in May. But E will be starting as soon as she is old enough! Since E loves music & dancing so much, I'm hoping she will enjoy pom'ing as much as I did. :)

It's a 2 post kind of day.

I know, I know...I'm gushing. KISS OFF it that matters to you, LOL!

Here's what 20 lbs, a new hair color and a kick ass shirt sent with love from China will do to a girl.

This picture was taken at my surprise birthday party in mid-November, about a week before I decided to do something about my ever-climbing weight.

This picture is me today, 20 lbs. lighter, new hair color & wearing the shirt Nadia sent me from China. :)

Only 30 more pounds to go, and if you doubt for a second that I won't see that goal, YOU DON'T KNOW ME VERY WELL!!!

Cha...Cha...Cha...Changes!

It's time for spring!

It's time to celebrate my 20 lb. weight loss!

It's time for a CHANGE!!!

My "winter hair" is no more. I went back to my natural brown this past fall, having been blonde (for the 1st time ever!) for a good portion of 2007. Having now been a blonde, a brunette and a redhead, I can't really tell which had more fun. I've had fun being all of them. That sounds like the beginnings of a joke -- a blonde, brunette and a redhead all walk into a bar..... ;)

Sunday, I colored my hair using a shade I used for almost 10 years, but got sick of about 3 years ago. I missed it. I wanted it back. So I consulted my hair stylist (my sister) on how to properly get the job done, stripping off all previous hair color first and then getting the new color to come out evenly. Per usual, her instructions were dead on and it turned out stellar. Had I done it without talking to her first, I fear what I'd be looking like right now.

This afternoon I'm going to the salon and she's going to cut & highlight it for me. I was supposed to go Friday but she had an opening this afternoon and I snatched it up. I can't wait to see my new 'do all finished!

My girlfriend Nadia who is currently living in China on a 2-year assignment just sent me the sweetest shirt. She had one on in some pictures she had recently taken and I remarked that I love, love, LOVED it. Hers was green and she sent me one in blue. It fits like a glove - thank God I just lost 20 pounds, LOL!!!! I'll take a pic of me in my new hair & shirt this week/end and post it soon.

I used to shy away from change. Right now, I'm loving them all.

Cha-cha-cha-changes!!! :)

Drumroll please...

As of this very morning, I have officially lost...

20 pounds!

I can't begin to tell you how good that feels. :)

March 1st has arrived!

Despite my brother-in-law laughing at me and wondering why the hell I would post such non-flattering pictures of myself on the internet, I am back with my most recent weight loss photo. Yeah, they're not flattering, but neither is being overweight. These pictures are going to be a treasure to me someday and right now they inspire me each time I see them. I will never look like that 'before' pic EVER again.

My pics are all off by 1 month as I use them in a Biggest Loser-style competition amongst a group of my girlfriends. The 'before' pic is bad enough as is, and heck, I'd already been dieting & exercising for an entire month before it was taken. ugh.

I've now lost 18 lbs. and in another 18 lbs, I'll no longer be considered "overweight". That thought rocks da casbah and will make all of this effort, struggle, sweat, tears and frustration worth it. This overweight thing sucks donkey balls.

I've been setting aside each pair of jeans that can be officially deemed too big to keep attempting to wear, and the pile grows daily. I'm running out of pants! Just as wonderful, my sleeves are no longer tight on my upper arms. I always hated that feeling. Even knit short sleeve tees would be tight on my upper arms and it felt awful. Now the sleeves just hang, with space there, not tight. It sounds stupid, I realize, but it feels seriously victorious to me. I LOVE IT!! :)

It's becoming even more apparent my need for the tummy tuck as the more weight & fat I lose in my mid-section, the more the stretched-too-many-times skin just hangs there, empty. Around my belly button, it's downright gross.