blah blah blah

I am just blah today. Feeling blah, looking blah. Blah. Blah. Blah.

I'm happy that I've had a mini-breakthrough in the weight loss department and finally (!!!) met my first mini-goal (emphasizing mini) but even still, this weeks out of town trip & funeral has thrown my motivation off kilter a bit.

I was supposed to go to the gym this morning; packed our bags & everything last night. This morning I just couldn't bring myself to wake E after she's slept so crappy in someone else's bed the last few nights. Its 10am and she's still asleep so, for her, I know I made the right decision. For me, I really needed to go to the gym.

I'm going to go upstairs and complete a Biggest Loser exercise DVD and hopefully stop feeling like one. :/

A heart just knows.

Never doubt a womans intuition.

I shopped & ironed. My MIL sat vigil. Both women knew.

Grandma Ellen passed away peacefully around 8:45 last evening.

Sadly, it's almost time.

Whew. I spent the entire day finding at least two nice outfits each (the littlest ones need extras just in case) for six people. Then I ironed everything, hung it on hangers, got it ready to go. Well, minus Garth's, he can iron his own clothes/suit.

I took B shopping with me this afternoon; he needed 2 pairs of dress slacks, a new shirt & tie, socks, a belt and new dress shoes. W got new slacks/shirt/tie, socks and a new pair of dress shoes. J got 2 pairs of slacks/shirt/tie, socks and a pair of dress shoes. Dang those growing kids. I tell ya, I told them to stop growing at this fast rate. No one listens, per usual.

I didn't have to buy anything new for myself as 2 pairs of black slacks I've had since before E's birth finally fit again. I got a new dress jacket for E's dedication last year that still fits and I'll wear a black cowl-neck sweater I recently purchased for the viewing.

My back hurts from all the ironing, I ironed A LOT of clothes! I figure all that I did today is the very least I could do for a woman who's been so generous to me since the day I met her.

Garth's grandma is unconscious, unresponsive and only expected to live another day or so. She's 98. I'm so glad we visited regularly and that the kids know their great-grandmother. I know the 3 oldest will remember her and that means so much to me.

Grandma Ellen really hasn't been with us for a few years now, dementia took a firm, relentless hold though it's still very hard to "officially" say goodbye. This isn't going to be a fun week.

Ho Hummmmmm.

It's a ho hum day around here. I cleaned yesterday, not that my efforts were even noticeable or noticed. Today I'm still working on the never ending task of laundry and straightening up, but no heavy duty cleaning. Today is also my day to work out. My motivation is quite low although I know I will do it sometime today.

[sigh]

Today I stepped on the scale and gained a pound. How is it possible that I'm eating so well, drinking at least 64 oz of water a day, usually way more, exercising 4-6 times a week and the weight loss is sooooooooooooo stannnnnnnnnnkin' sloooooooow? Heck, now I've even seen a gain.

[bigger sigh]

My mind doesn't even turn toward giving up because this isn't a choice. I have to do this. I want to do this. Though, a large Spag's pizza does sound divine at this moment, extra sauce please.

[big dramatic sigh with jazz hands for flair]

Why, oh why, OH FLIPPING WHY, does seeing any results have to be sooooooooooo sloooooooooooooow?

[slumped over in my chair. bangs head on desk. sigh].

The Blogging with a Purpose Award!

Be still my heart. I was granted a blogging award. I graciously accept my award with an impromptu speech and a blush across my face.

My friend Allison and I "met" years ago on a cloth diapering message board. I feel like I've "known" her forever though we've never actually "met IRL" (in real life). Allison was waiting to adopt in China and while waiting we oogled over all of the cloth diapers she would use and the clothes she was currently purchasing in anticipation of that adoption. We waited while the red tape was cleared and wow, there was a lot of it. We waited as the countdown clicked closer to her trip to China to meet her new daughter, to whom she would name Maggie. I read her updated blog daily as she was in China and laughed at her & her husbands funnies, cried with them during their struggles, and prayed that this daughter would soon be on American soil, with her very real parents. Maggie was meant to be Allison's daughter -- no hospital birth could bring that bond, no no. A trip around the world was what it took.

Yesterday Allison gave me the prestigious honor of the 'Blogging with a Purpose' award. Ok so maybe its not all that prestigious, but I was honored to have been thought of nonetheless. :)

You can visit Maggie's Red Thread (Allison's blog) at http://www.maggiemalady.blogspot.com/
or just click the last blog on my blog list on the right of my own blog. She's always there and I'm always waiting for her to update her own blog, which (ahem!) isn't often enough. We laugh together at how similar our daughters wardrobes are and while worlds apart their births may have been, their antics are usually quite similar. (bad, bad girls! LOL)

In honor of Allison's award, I present you with a few admissions.

Yes, I do indeed, have a hair bow fetish. Make no mistake about it, I have no problem admitting it and reveling in it. In fact, I want more. More! More! More!

Closet Door #1:

Closet Door #2:

Behind the bedroom door:

And just so I'll make Allison's husband feel a little better by showing that Allison is not alone in her clothing sickness, I present you E's closet. I've run out of hangers and resorted to a couple of laundry baskets at the bottom of her closet for the next size up of clothes (blushing):

Thank you for the award, Allison. I accept. ;)

And now, my request. Please lift Allison and her husband David up in prayer with me. They want a sibling for Maggie. It appears their net worth is less than that of what Chinese officials deem necessary to bring home 2 daughters, though I am in awe that this is even a remote possibility. I know this rejection is spirit crushing and while they have not given up, it looks like the road may be bumpier than they would have earlier anticipated. Please pray with me that God finds a way to bring another child into their awesome, loving and deserving family. Thanks!!

Field Trip to the Hospital.

I always wanted to be one of those moms that participates in every class party, every class field trip, every class everything... alas, it was truly not meant to be. Every time I've had a child in early elementary school, so far, I've also had a baby at home and geez, schools are now sticklers for not having siblings around, EVER. I try to be as involved as I can but paying a babysitter or having Garth take a half day off from work so I can attend every class party seems a little insane in my mind. I'd be there all the time if I could put E in the Ergo and go!

Yesterday I was able to attend a 1st grade class field trip to a local hospital with J - Garth stayed home with sickly E and actually took her into the ped. while we were on the trip. The trip turned out to be WAY more hands on and interesting than I had anticipated. In addition, J was SO happy when I announced that after the trip, I would eat lunch with him at school before returning home to relinquish Garth of his sick kid caretaker duties. I must say, school lunches have come a long way since I was in elementary school. I ate the same thing J did and you know what? It was really good!

Getting "registered" into the hospital, bracelet & all!

Learning about all of the different jobs at the hospital,
besides just the doctors & nurses:

Everyone has to scrub in, get their masks,
hats & shoe booties on:
Trying out the hospital beds:

Everyone got to test out the crutches,
and they all loved every minute of it!

What kid doesn't want to try on a bright green cast?!

Testing out a lab tech's lead apron:

J was chosen to be the surgical patient:

Putting J under:
Checking out all of the tools a surgeon would use:
Working in the "lab" (he looks like a natural, doesn't he?!):

Giving his teacher a ride in a wheelchair:

signs you don't live in a quiet home.

All it takes is one look at the pictures I uploaded yesterday to see I don't live in a very quiet home. It amazes me that we ever get any downtime around here at all. I often pray for some peace & quiet and then, on those rare, odd occasions that I'm home alone, its so quiet I can't stand it.

I don't know what I'd do without these 4 'lil loudmouths.

(That's a P in sign language - how gangsta...)

obsessions, possessions, oh my.

I think I may have some odd form of OCD. I'm not a shopaholic although I do love to shop. I don't live for it but don't get me wrong, I really really enjoy it. When I discover something I love however, stand back. I will review, research, obsess, bargain hunt, plot, plan, purchase. And 1 is never enough. I want more. More, more, more.

3 things my daughter has that I am insanely obsessed with.

SHOES:
http://www.seekairun.com/ shoes. She's only had 3 pairs and at that they have been different sizes. She's outgrown one pair, she's wearing her 2nd pair and she has a 3rd pair that is still a size too big that she got for Christmas. If I could toss her already insane shoe collection and have her only wear See Kai Run shoes all the time, I would, I love them that much. They are THE best baby/toddler/preschool shoes. They only run up until toddler size 9 though. Bummer. Thankfully, SKR was smart enough to expand their horizons and is introducing their sister company, The Eleven Collection, for bigger kids this upcoming spring. http://elevencollection.com/ I see a few pairs that my 5 and 6 year old boys will be sporting soon and E will get there in due time.

http://www.robeez.com/en-us/tredz.htm?lang=en-us&pricecat=2&refid=contest-email_tredzFeb08_enus&source=launchemail - I don't know how to make the link shorter so sorry about that. Robeez knows how to make some awesome, durable baby shoes but once your baby is up and running, they're only ok for toddlers. Just not durable enough for walking a lot outside. Today I got an email that Robeez is introducing their new toddler line of Robeez Tredz. Rock the casbah, I just hit cloud 9 and the jackpot. I love them!!!!

BABYLEGS:
http://www.babylegs.net/ - perhaps the coolest baby product to hit the market - EVER. Tights with saggy crotches? no more! Need sleeves but don't want the bulk of an added shirt? Presto! Even my 13 year old has a pair that he wears as sleeves and can't wait to try them out with his football uniform this fall when its soooo cold on the football field late in the season. Almost embarrassed, but boldly proud, we have 42 pairs of these. [blushing] Now granted, some I've gotten free, some I've gotten totally on sale and only a limited few did I actually pay full price ($12 - $22 each). An impressive product with multiple uses, I simply adore thee.

HAIR BOWS:
Now listen. Hear me out on this one. I grew up envying a girl in my grade named Tricia Carg. She had Nellie Olson from Little House on the Prairie ringlets and the most gorgeous hair bows, in addition to those cool ponytail holders that had 2 plastic balls attached to them. Her hair was perfect every day and she wore this cool hankerchief style knit hat to school, one that wouldn't mess up her perfect ringlet pigtails. Oh how I wanted to covet those hair bows and bouncy ringlets. My mom had already chopped off my long locks and replaced them with a horrible Dorothy Hamill hair-don't. No bows for me.

Years later, I gave birth to a son. No hair bows. Seven years later, I gave birth to another son. No hair bows. A year later I gave birth to yet another son. Still no hair bows. I resolved myself to being a "mama of boys" and wasn't bitter. Truly I wasn't. I loved (well, i actually still do, LOL) my boys. Then we decided to have one last child. I went into my final pregnancy knowing that the odds were stacked against us having a daughter. I loved the name we had chosen for our 4th son and was excited to use it.

Well stand back. Everyone back the F up -- I gave birth to a creature with a vagina. Over 400 hair bows later, I have no regrets. I hold nothing back when it comes to hair bows. Take that Tricia Carg's mama, I'll see your cool 70's hair bows and raise you another big-as-my-kids-head pair of korkers.

Lastly, I am finally coming to terms with the fact that I may have some food compulsions. I am learning quickly, and not having problems with it, to eat proper portions. But there is one food to which I have no control. Something takes over my body. I can't say no. One is never enough and if there are leftovers, the next day doesn't stand a chance. I will eat and eat and eat and then I beat myself up over it later. At the moment I have no control. NONE. Put a slice of pizza in front of me and watch my eyes gleam. My mouth waters and I have to hold myself back.

This past weekend at a friends house in Royal Oak they ordered Tonya's pizza. In anticipation of it arriving, I kept hearing "Oh Tonya's. Oh how I love Tonya". Who the hell is Tonya and let me taste this infamous stuffed pizza. Oh. My. It was soooo good. I ate my one piece and then had to turn my body away from the cupboard it sat on. I could have eaten the entire thing. I mean, pushed people out of the way and sat down on the floor with the entire box like a glutton and made a fool of myself.

Thankfully, I didn't do that. I ate one piece, raved about it and was finished eating. If we'd had that pizza place near us, my fat ass wouldn't stand a chance.

so its not monday.

I told myself Monday that I would not step on the scale again until this upcoming Monday.

Tuesday I resisted.

Wednesday I resisted.

Yesterday I hopped on & off almost before I could see the numbers.

Today my resolve was completely broken - I wanted to see what it said.

As of tomorrow it will have been 8 weeks since I began a new chapter in my life. I've been dedicated to exercising 4-6 times a week and watching everything I put in my mouth. I want my life back, that life I had for so long, where what I looked like and how I felt inside mattered enough to do something about it.

This isn't a diet, this is now my life. It's becoming routine and not dreaded. I like that.

I'm 20% there. Slow & steady wins the race, right Tiffster?! :)

You can scroll down to the bottom of this screen & see how I've done.

time to make the cupcakes.

My mind is all over the place today so hang on tight.

J's teacher had the grand idea that the children with summer birthdays should get to still have some sort of birthday celebration during the school year. I do think its a great idea. She sent me an email on Tuesday telling me I could pick the day if I wanted to do this for J. I quickly do the math and realize that TOMORROW is J's half birthday. TOMORROW we celebrate. The teacher didn't send the email on such short notice with the expectation of half-birthdays but thought my idea was great. Today I make cupcakes. He wants them to look like Power Rangers but little buddy is going to be stuck with cupcakes that say 6.5 on them. Power Ranger cupcakes are not my specialty, even though I do start cake decorating course II tonite.

B showed me his math folder last night that has all of this years math tests in his 3-ring binder. Smart lil dude's lowest score was like a 87%. Well, no, his lowest score was like a 76% but he took the test over and got a 100% - he said he was having a bad day and asked the teacher if he could take it again. If only real life came with do-overs. 13 is a hard age. Sometimes he is so stankin' academically smart it scares me and at other times he's so socially awkward that it equally scares me. Ahhhh, 13. I wouldn't go back to it if you paid me.

I read the following quote today:
If you chase two rabbits, both will escape - Unknown Author
This year I am chasing my health. I can only be obsessed with one thing and this year this simply has to be it.

I really think W is going to go far in life. They say that your personality is formed between the ages of 0-5. This kids personality is bigger than life. His brain works in such a different way than my other children. He thinks 2 steps ahead and can articulate what he's thinking, even if the speech delay in him has him sounding like he has some sort of british/southern accent. Yesterday he said something so profound to me that I've already forgotten it but at the time I thought, "wow, how profound!". I crack myself up with my mommy dementia. Wait, no. It's really not that funny. It scares me on a lot of days.

E is turning into a toddler faster than I care to admit. She runs, she laughs, she's saying new words. She repeats, she understands, she signs more words than any of my other kids ever did. I'm having so much fun with her ever-growing mop of hair too. Every day she wants her "pretties" and knows exactly what I'm talking about. Nature over nurture truly has me amazed at times too. We are raising her the same as we do the boys - she's rough & tumble and wrestles with her brothers, and we let her. The only special treatment she gets is that she's a baby, not because she's a girl. This child is all girl, all on her own. Dolls are to be hugged, dresses are meant to be twirled and I believe she loves her 400+ hair bow collection almost as much as her mama does. And oh my, when I got out the 2 tutus that Grandma made her for Christmas, she giggled and started taking off her pants. She wanted one on. NOW. I love it.

I should go change out the laundry - I've already done the dishes this morning and Garth gets to handle the overflow of what wouldn't fit in the dishwasher. I need to make icing for tonite's class and cupcakes for J's class tomorrow. I need to do some cardio today but man, my butt is still whooped and sore from yesterdays training session.

Geez, my mind really is all over the place today. Scary.

burn baby, burn.

my ass is dragging. my trainer kicked my butt today. we did the exact same exercise sets as last week, plus an extra set of reps to each, but in reverse order. working out my legs before my core and arms kicked my butt! i was like jello in the locker room. i wanted to just lay on the cool tile floor. but ewww, that'd be gross. who want's athletes forehead?!

i really like my trainer. she's very "real". the more sessions i have with her the more we talk about life, outside of exercise & nutrition. i like how genuine she is, and i like that she's not obsessed with fitness. she's very fit and eats well and takes care of her body but its not her wearing-blinders mission in life to work out, work out, work out. i really like and appreciate that.

usually after i work out i feel energized once i shower and regain composure again. today i feel like i just got my ass beat. i think i'm coming down with a titch of a cold so that can't be helping any either.

my 2 month mark of "the new me" is coming up. i haven't stayed dedicated on an every day basis to anything "for me" for 2 solids months before. how long do they say you have to do something over & over & over before it just becomes habit? while i can't say i'm falling head over heels in love with the gym, i will say it feels more routine. yesterday when i took a complete day off for my knee to rest (i worked out in some way 6 of the 7 days last week!!!), i felt like something was missing. i think thats a good sign.

damn you brown rice.

Nothing new, exciting or witty to report.

I did make a new low fat, healthy chicken tortilla soup/stew recipe with the crock pot today that looks like it will be tomorrow's dinner rather than tonite. Damn that brown rice. I guess 8+ hours in a crockpot a soft brown rice kernel does not make. Nothing says "Hey family, try this great new recipe" like serving them stew with crunchy brown rice in it.

Today was my day off from working out. My knee has really been bothering me. I need to call the orthopedic woman and/or get my butt back to the chiropractor.

I took a 2 hour nap with the kids this afternoon. Nothing helps a sore knee like a 2 hour nap.

Off to find something to feed the chitlins since tonite's dinner ain't happening.

Perhaps tomorrow will be a more wittier day. :)

keep pushing forward!!

Keep pushing forward. Keep pushing forward. My mantra for 2008.

I'm so discouraged with my weight loss but will NOT give up. In fact, my challenge this week is to stop obsessing and just keep pushing forward. I vow not to step on my scale again until next Monday. No more multi-morning, every morning, weigh ins. :/

This Thursday I start Course II of my cake decorating classes. I took Course I with a friend because she was chicken shit to go to it alone. I knew I'd suck but thought it'd be fun to get out of the house with her once a week and try something new.

Who the hellda thunk I'd actually be kind of good at it?!?!?!
And like it too?!

I do need to remember to ask or look for new & exciting icing recipes. The basic Wilton icing recipe is good but you can only eat or make it so many times before you want to toss the bowl out the window. I need variety. I'm sure my family does too. I don't want all the cakes to taste the same. Surprisingly since I don't really crave sweets, I hardly ever even taste my creations. I'm totally ok with that!

Last week W had W day at school. Each child gets to pick a letter at the beginning of the school year and each week a new letter is showcased. On their designated day, they are supposed to bring in a bag of letter appropriate items plus a snack that incorporates that letter into it as well.

On W day last week, W brought in a 'wooden wicker basket' filled with water chestnuts, a wooden watermelon, Woody from Toy Story, Where the Wild Things Are book, 2 wheels, a water bottle, a watch, a wallet and 3 printable W sheets that Garth printed at work. His snack was Wheat Thin crackers, white grape juice and wait for it.... wait for it....

a 3-layer white wedding cake
with 2 Little People adorning the top of it.

The cake wasn't perfect by any stretch! I was going more on time than perfection with this one. Regardless, I rocked as Super Mom that day. toot. toot. ;)

grrrrr.

i dont expect this weight loss thing to be a quick fix. i really don't. i'm prepared & determined to stay in for the long haul this time.

but why does it have to be sooo painfully slow??

two steps forward, one step back.

over and over and over and over again.

i'm feeling discouraged. i'm feeling defeated. but more than that, i'm still determined.

i dont want to be fat forever, damn it. :(

------------------------------------------------

one would think with my vast collection of cloth diapers, E would be all set until she is out of them. wrong! she's such a different body type than W is and I'm finding that what worked for him doesn't work the same for her. I need to purchase about 3 new super whisper wrap bummis diaper covers, size large, for her. of course i want the new flowers, pink & green prints but moreso i want covers that fit her body and don't leak. bummis are it. they truly work the best out of all that i have and unfortunately the size mediums just aren't cutting it anymore. W never wore size large diapers (did i say totally not the same body type as Ms. E??) so I only have a couple in size large that i'm working with right now. trying to find a sale on bummis. if you see one, point me in that direction -- thanks!

same stuff, different day.

Thursday I had so much to say I blogged twice.

Friday I had nothing to say as I see I didn't blog at all, and never even thought about doing so. Today I don't have anything all that exciting to report....hmmm, do I ever?! Life is ho-hum, but I'm not complaining!

Thoughts that occupy my day:

"get off the table"
(to E who is obsessed with sitting on the dining room table)

"....water....water....must drink water...."
(thought to myself about 1000 times a day)

"stop screaming!"
(said to all 3 boys too many times to count yesterday, grrrr)

"Oh E, you stink"
(to E who poops like 2,348 times a day)

"i said healthy snack choice, please"
(to the 2 littlest boys who insist old halloween candy is snack-worthy)

"no i will not take pictures of your naked butt"
(said to 5 year old W last night when I had the camera out)

"sweet mother, i'll never catch up"
(thought to myself this morning when i saw the new laundry pile that i HAD conquered just 2 short days ago)

"[sigh] i'll be fat forever"
(thought to myself as i stand next to a skinny skinny girl working her ass off on the stair climber)

"dude. we're not watching world wrestling"
(said to 13 year old B when we were watching tv together last night and yet somehow i got roped into watching 15 minutes of some bad acting, soap opera between GM Vickie Guerrero, Ray Mysterio and Edge -- and yes i just had to ask my son to give me those 3 names! )

"come on garth, make me some coffee"
(said to garth, just seconds ago, who refuses to get out of bed and make me some coffee)

****************************

The vaseline debacle talked about in the previous post? I've washed E's hair now 7 times in different combinations of the following: baby shampoo, dish soap and baking soda. It's still greasy. It's getting better but geeeeeeeeeeeeeeez.

The red shirt in the pic below that I reported as being NEW?

ruined.

Good thing I got a couple pics of it. Now it is a new red shirt with a bunch of oily spots covering the front of it. I'm up for any suggestions on getting her hair back to normal and how to get oily vaseline out of a cotton shirt.

Maybe I should tell MIL about the ruined red shirt. Goodness knows E will get 7 new ones to replace the 1 that got wrecked. Hmmmm.

LOL!! I'm teasing!!!

Mmmmmmmmmm, I smell coffee brewing. He got up. I love him. :)

2 posts; 1 day.

Today makes up for the days I have little to say apparently. This is my 2nd blog entry of the day.

My daughter E, beautiful 19 month old creature that she is, is usually dressed in pink. After 3 sons, I was so excited to buy pink (and so was my MIL) that pink abounds here. Today E wore red. She doesn't wear red all that often. I have mixed feelings about whether its a "good" color on her or not. Admittedly, I'm pretty used to every shade under the sun of pink.

She's been sick since the end of the year so I haven't taken that many pics of her in well over a week. Her snot nose and watery eyes in addition to her constant puking didn't give me much to work with in terms of documenting her life in pictures. She's feeling much better now and today, while in red, I thought I'd better snap a few.

She's a cute little bugger, isn't she?!

I washed her & her hair last night but I noticed her hair was looking a little out-of-control today. I didn't put any spray in conditioner in it this morning but rather just pulled it back in two barrettes. The pics don't lie, it wasn't looking all that great. But no problem for E! Within an hour of taking these pics she discovered a jar of vaseline in the bathroom and proceeded to slather it straight on her head and new red shirt. I took a comb and slicked back her hair into a ballerina style ponytail. I'll deal with that debacle later tonite.

self restraint.

Ahhh, the joys of self restraint.

It's January. January means retail SALES! I buy my kids clothes, in bulk, in January and July, when retail sales are at their peak. If you weren't aware, that's when kids clothes are at their ultra-cheap of cheapest. I'm awesome at guessing next season's sizes and totally rock the casbah at bargain hunting. January is when I buy next years school/fall/winter clothes. screw that august rush at the mall, I'll have been done for 2 seasons by then, and spent a fraction of the money too.

Alas, this year will be different. I am determined to not overspend. Not overindulge. just. not. do. it.

Unfortunately, because of that new improved resolve, we will probably get screwed a titch come later this year. This time of year is also when I buy the kids next seasons winter coats. I'll save now but in the long run, I'll spend much more when I'm scrambling to find one next fall. [sigh]

It'll work out. it always does.

E already has her winter coat for next year. I got a coat off Ebay that I liked far less in person than I thought I would but only paid like $5 for it. It will serve as an awesome outside play coat. I also scored a red wool a-line coat for $12 in December and that will serve as her everyday coat. It's so beautiful it makes me want to cry..... but not cry as much as I might have with the original $50 price tag. So she's set.

Gymboree is having a mega sale right now. Oh how I could rack up my online cart with goodies.

No. I will not.

Children's Place is having a mega sale right now. Oh how I could rack up my online cart with goodies.

No. I will not.

And hey, Kohl's is having a sale too.

wait.

Kohl's is always having a sale.


The year of the budget.
The year I spend far less.
The year I take better care of me.
The year I try harder.
The year of the kept resolutions.

eh.

I'm determined to blog every day. But some days i just don't have anything exciting or witty to say. Today is one of those days.

I hit the gym with my trainer today. We did an entirely new workout and wow, it kicked my butt.

E seems on the mend and I feel much better about that.

I've already drank my 8 glasses of water today - anything I drink from here on out is just bonus.

I'm on track with my food and have been doing really well food-wise, making good choices, totally limiting my portions.

I've been exercising every day this week.

I think I can...
I think I can...
I wish the weight would fall off faster...
I think I can...
I think I can...

sicky sick sick.

The stomach flu, or whatever bug it was, went through our house with a vengeance last week.

E then developed a croupy cough. And a snot nose & eyes. And the puking never stopped for her.

Today, on day 11, I gave in and took her to the pediatrician. Ear infection (with tubes even!), viral something (she said her nose looked viral up in it, whatever that means) plus probably some sort of respiratory virus on top of all that. Yummy. A few days of the antibiotic for her ear and some benedryl to help dry up her slimy, snotty self and she should be on her way to better health.

I'm tired today. I couldn't exercise at the gym yesterday because as I was pulling into the gym parking lot, E funnel/projectile puked down the front of herself, her carseat and the floor of my van. I did a u-turn and went home. Barf.

The Biggest Loser dvd I did yesterday since I couldn't go to the gym kicked my ass. literally. My ass hurts today. I think I'd better go attempt to do it again today as its a good ass burn. I think I can feel my big ass shrinking & lifting with every ache.

I'm down another almost 2 pounds. I gained nothing over the holidays but I didn't lose either. I was feeling very stuck. This weight loss thing is going sooooo slow. I was happy to see a new number on the scale today. VERY happy. I can do this. I can do this. I CAN DO THIS!!!!

I think I'll go take a nap before I exercise. If that ain't the story of my life....

recycling at its finest.

I think God is a treehugger. He, too, has jumped on the environmental bandwagon. I think he's recycling people from up there. Maybe he only recycles the really good ones.... ok, I'm kidding. I'm not being sacrilegious, just making a funny.

If God is a recycler of people, he recycled a little part of me into my niece. My own children have no striking resemblances to me (ok maybe my daughter a little). Yeah yeah, so I do look a lot like my sister who does look a lot like my mom but just roll with me on this one.

This is my 3 year old niece.

Looking at this pic is like stepping back in time 30 years. That's MY face. That's MY hair. I love it. I love her. I think God is doing an awesome job at recycling.

a good nights sleep changes everything.

Today is a new and better day. I slept all night last night, without interruptions. I woke up before everyone else (minus W who is always awake before the roosters but he was happily watching Noggin on his own) and spent an hour by myself in perfect solitude. bliss.

I found a photo folder online that I hadn't even noticed when I uploaded Christmas pics. This was the day after Christmas, at my sisters house.

My 4 kids & my 3 nieces, D1, D2 & D3:

The "man-child" & I:

My sister, my mom & my dad:

My J-Bird, so excited:

E & D3, BFFs for life:

My 'lil fashionista:

Dressed for his true destination & calling:

My BIL Dave doesn't usually look like a nutjob,
he's actually a good looking guy! :)
Showing off E's new boots:

Garth & E:

Who gives my baby a sucker & doesn't put a bib on her?!??!
grrrr:
Man-child B & D3:

Playing the ever-popular new crane game (big hit!!):

It wouldn't be a true family holiday if someone didn't fall asleep -
this year Garth won.

Jan. 5 blahs

blah. blah blah blah. blah blah blah blah blah blah. blah.

not a lot to say today. it has been an all around bad day that started around 3am and hasn't let up. sick, coughing baby followed by persistant 5 year old who refused to let me sleep a minute past 7 am without poking me in the face every 5 minutes asking for this, for that, for this again, etc....

the day continued on no different than it started.

its now 7:30 pm - have gotten nothing accomplished other than a shower today and a good, solid argument with garth.

i didn't emotionally overeat and still made good food choices but other than that its been a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. :(

I can't believe I'm doing this.

I can't believe I'm doing this but if it will keep me on the straight & narrow, I'm going to, and someday it will be worth it.

This is me today, freshly showered, no makeup:
(hey it will make me look all the better in the 'after' pic)

I look at this picture and all I see is my gross belly button and abs that have been stretched beyond capacity 4 times over. Yuck!! This is not who I'll be 3 months, 6 months and a year+ from now. Of that I promise myself.

This is 7 lbs less than what I was when I began this journey on November 24, 2007
On that date I was just 2 pounds less than the heaviest weight I've ever been not pregnant.

Yesterday I joined a Biggest Loser competition amongst some girlfriends. I'm confident my slow-to-lose ass won't win but it will keep me honest, motivated and on track.

My trainer divulged to me yesterday that while yes, I do have weight to lose, I'm much further ahead of my game than I give myself credit for and I'm not nearly as "fat" as my head tells me I am. I think that's what I pay her to say though, know what I mean?

Here's to self accountability and getting my outsides to match my MILF insides, once and for all.

Post Secret.

(This is Thursday, Jan. 3rd's blog entry -- I wrote it last night and saved it but even publishing it today gives it yesterdays date).

I may have already blogged about this - I'm not sure. Either way, its worth mentioning -- or rementioning. :)

I'm a total Post Secret addict. Each Sunday new postcards are put up and I love sitting down on Sunday mornings with a cup of coffee and exploring the new ones.

http://www.postsecret.com/

I once submitted a secret and about died when I saw it posted. But there it was, for all to see, and I felt better for getting rid of it. I have 3 Post Secret books and I could never get enough. I imagine the story, pain, relief and joy behind each person's postcard submitted.

None of the following are mine but here are a few of my most favorite post secrets and each one means so much to me, in different ways. A lot of them have punched me in the gut with the realization that I could have written them. Others make me cry while others give me such hope. Some just make me say, "wow". Enjoy.

Angie & Jenny, this could be us.

Oh how I miss those days

and those problems.
I'm so happy to still have both of you in my life.

Truer words were never spoken than in the following 4 postcards:

just, "wow".

Sadly, I could have written the following 2 postcards far too often in my own life:

Dad, I did it!
I DID IT!!! I found one!
Thank you for setting the bar SO HIGH!!!

I think we all need this. I know I do.

Oh Grandma Fern, how I could have written this postcard.

Its been 10.5 years since you left us and

nothing in my life can make me tear up faster than missing you.

I named my daughter after you, that's how much you meant to me.
I'm so sorry for times I wanted to visit but my selfish life got in the way. I was so stupid to think you'd live forever.

I'd give all of my worldly possessions to have just 1 more day with you.
I have so much to tell you.
(Happy Birthday tomorrow, Grandma - you'd have been 81... I'd never forget)

One of my all-time favorite post secret postcards.
It give me chills each time I read it.
If true, I hope this person has finally found peace
within themselves & their new life
and so has the family they left behind.

My mantra for 2008.

Comment question of the day:

I know you're probably assuming I'm going to ask what your deepest secret is but, c'mon now, do you really think I'd expect to actually receive answers to a question like that? ;P~~~

I gave you one of my favorite websites, what's yours?