record keeping.

I just got my grades from 5 of the 8 tests I've taken so far for my class. Of a possible 150 points I've earned 145. Not too shabby but to know me is to know I'm peeved that I missed the 5 points I did.

I turned in today the one paper due for this course ~ that's actually due a month from today. Knowing its done & out of the way is a huge relief.

I'm cruising along, hoping the next few terms come as easy as this one class has to me.

I'm not holding my breath.

goodness.

I had no idea.

A job I love.

School.

4 kids
home for the summer.

Laundry,
dishes,
meals,
entertainment,
refereeing.


Oral surgery completed, summer camps galore, a few short trips planned, doctors appointments, orthodontist appointments, school clothes shopping. Birthday parties, sports tournaments, and 3 chapter tests per week. A paper due, Fathers Day and still working on The Love Dare. School transcripts, letters of recommendation and application processes.

The bathrooms are dirty, the floors shouldn't be eaten off from. I can't find my favorite tank top and 2 stores are currently out of my favorite conditioner. I desperately need a massage, a manicure & a pedicure.

I've never been busier.
In a lot of ways I've never been more stressed.

I've probably never been happier.
Or hopeful.
Or blessed.

Or tired.

reality bites, but not always.

Reality Check = a chance to regroup, reprioritize & reroute. I said that to a friend of mine yesterday. We all need reality checks once in awhile. They are true blessings in disguise.

While I wish the past few months (years) never happened to my husband & I, I also take the opportunity to feel blessed that it did. Something truly had to give and in the time apart I was able to receive the reality check I so desperately needed. A real knock upside the head of who I was, who I wasn't vs. who I wanted to be. I was given the blessing of a chance to regroup, reprioritize and reroute my life ~ off the path of anger, resentment & the never-ending blame game.

I truly now see life differently. I'm not a different person, I'm still just oh-so-flawed me, but I do have a different outlook, different goals and most importantly, different expectations of both myself and others.

I realized yesterday I am falling in love with my husband all over again. I'd like to think he sees how unconditional my love has been and feels it too. I'm in this til the end.

a good day.

Today is Thursday. Not any significant Thursday, just a Thursday. Yet I woke up today and told myself (out loud even),

"today will be a good day".

Today was a good day.
I'm going to wake up and tell myself that (out loud even) every day.

humbled & grateful.

Despite the day beginning dreary with rain outside, I feel God truly working on my heart. I feel a sunrise brewing in there.

Deuteronomy 31:6 , even when I turn away.
Psalm 30:2 , thank you, thank you, thank you.
Proverbs 10:12 , please never ever let me forget this.

and so the journey has begun...

I did it. I officially started school on Friday. I took a huge leap of faith in myself that I can, and will, see this through to the end.

As the lyrics of one of my favorite Nickelback songs goes:

Leave no stone unturned
Leave your fears behind
And try to take the path less traveled by
That first step you take is the longest stride.

I have no semester/terms free of school until the end. I'm in it. If all goes well I'll be ready to take the state board test to become an officially certified mortician in March of 2011. I will be applying to Mortuary School soon, having just one last pre-req standing in my way. Barring any unforeseen snafu in pre-requisite classes I should be accepted without a hitch.

Wish me luck and please pray for our family as we all embark on this busy, crazy journey together. I can do this. WE can do this.

stand back, away from the curb...

I'm now officially driving a hearse.

The Love Dare

Have I spoke highly enough of this book yet?

If you are in a relationship, one you'd like to maintain long-term, whether its in great shape or losing hope -- you've GOT to read this book.

The challenges are not always easy. They're not *hard* but they are definitely thought provoking enough that it's not always comfortable. Who likes confronting the fact that we're all a bunch of flawed MFers struggling to get by in life, hoping to find a little happiness along the way, usually failing miserably?

The reading, however, couldn't be easier. It's like 3 pages a day of reading, tops. I've prioritized it so that it's the very first thing I do for myself each day. I sit down in the rocking chair after the boys leave for school, coffee in hand and I dig right in with the days reading & challenge (each day has a challenge to be completed sometime during that day).

I paid just under $11 and this book has the potential to not only change my relationship with my husband, but the relationships I maintain with my children, my friends, even strangers... and the one I have within my own head with myself. This very well may be the most important $11 I have ever invested, and a very small price to pay for its unequivocal payoff.

I promise if you apply this book to your life, to your relationships, it will change your life.

---------------------------

And goodness, I think I may have just stumbled upon the entire book in an online format. Now you have NO excuse:
http://www.christianbook.com/reader/?item_no=448856

Take The Love Dare.
Reap the reward.

I dare you.

breathing in hope, happiness & optimism.

I'm still standing.
I'm challenged by The Love Dare.

I'm committed to this,
to Garth, to our marriage.
I'm hopeful.

I've been working & I love it.
I start school on Friday.
I'm happy.

Optimism feels good,
even if its felt cautiously.