no new news is good news.

my dad says i should update my blog more often. it's how he follows my life when we don't talk by phone -- we'd communicate a lot more if he got a cell phone & a texting package. my mom needs text too. texting rocks & i sometimes wish it was simply how i communicated with everyone; in person or in text. it's not that i mind talking to either of you by phone, i just would text you tidbits of info much more often than we actually get a chance to talk by phone.

MY LIFE

Mon-Wed:

awake

shower

school

nap

swim laps & do cardio at the gym

(though i still can't manage to lose any weight)

study

sleep

Thurs:

awake

shower

pack up the car

school

drive forever

sleep

Fri & Sat:

attempt to cram a weeks worth of activities with the kids & garth into 2 days, all while guiltily working & studying 1 or 2 of those days as well.

Sun:

awake

shower

pack up the car

drive forever

study

sleep

rinse, lather, repeat.

rinse, lather, repeat.

rinse, lather, repeat.

yup, that's my life.

it's boring as shit.

but, its mine.

10 days

10 days straight here is too long.
I bet my kids have grown in the past 10 days & I missed it.
I still feel great about what I'm doing and why, but 10 days away scares me with a sense of distance & detachment.

I need attachment.
I need home.

W, so excited, told me he let his teacher know since his year-end picnic was on a Thursday, I could be there because I come home on Thursdays. Problem is, I wouldn't have made it home in time. Over the phone I heard deflation when I told him I didn't think I'd be able to make it.

"It's ok. I'll just tell her tomorrow that you can't make it after all."

{sigh}

"You know what, buddy? I was wrong. I'll be there after all. I'll be there."

I'm tarnishing my record of perfect attendance, skipping the entire day of school Thursday and I can't think of a better reason to do so.

Wow. I miss home.

For You. For Me. For Us.

I miss home like crazy.
I miss the little things.
I miss my old life.

But you know what?
I like my new one too.
And I don't feel so guilty about it anymore.

It's all good.
This all has a purpose.
A good one at that.
Might as well enjoy it since I'm here.

I'm in a good place.
A really, really good place.
I love my Garth.
I love my kids.
I love my will & desire to do this.

To not just do this...
but to do it well.
Quitting is not an option
& neither is mediocracy.

I can't believe the life,
the one I've always wanted
dreamt of... daydreamed of
but never realistically thought possible
is actually coming into fruition.

And here I am.
Happy.

Finally.

Bring it, Term 2.

Term 2 is underway. Yesterday my schedule remained the same for 2 classes but our Funeral Directing class has now suddenly become Pathology. Nothing like turning it up a notch.

This should be a good week. Classes have nothing yet assigned, nor are there any tests yet on the horizon. If I could just get rid of the headache that occupied my brain for most of yesterday and angrily greeted me again this morning, I'd be in great shape.

I went out for a quick dinner (I made a great, healthy choice!) and headed to a local nature preserve for a walk with a classmate last evening. The nature preserve was so cool and we agreed to go back again, not so close to dusk next time as we were only about halfway in and she & I were suddenly swarmed by mosquitoes. We laughed about how wonderful it felt to get out of our apartments & actually do something other than studying ~ I topped off that elation with an impromptu dance on the trail and a quick rendition of "The hills are alive...".

I feel good.
Now if this headache would go away,
I'd feel GREAT.