Family Fun Night

Last night was Family Fun Night at the elementary school. Usually I loathe these types of things; it's always a million degrees in the building, a million people, chaotic disorganization with every one's kids, including my own, running amuck. My anxiety levels skyrocket.

Happily surprised, I was floored by the comfortable temperature, perfect crowd size, uber-organization and everyone there seemed to be having a great evening of family fun. There were brand new activities this year: henna tattoo & face painting, face molds, hat making, clay creations, ceramic tile painting and wood sculpture. The kids tried everything except the henna & face painting, we simply ran out of time.

W, whose attention span is usually all over the place, as is his ever-bouncing body, was SO into each activity. The tile he painted so meticulously and it looks like really neat, although abstract, art. His hat has things glued to it everywhere and lots hanging off it. I wish I'd taken a pic of it but I was so busy helping him and having a good time at it too!



J was really excited to see friends. Everywhere he turned was someone he knew and he thought it was so cool to see them. He was not into the face molding and didn't want to participate but really enjoyed the wood sculpture room. They had high school students set up with hot glue guns to help the kids glue their sculptures together and J's looks like a castle.


B's favorite part of the night? Holding E and having middle school girls come up to him, oohing & ahhhing, asking if that is his little sister. He felt like a pimp daddy. The joys of discovering what makes the opposite sex smile. B discovered that girls go ga-ga over babies and he's happy to oblige by using his little sister as his pawn. I'm only sorry I didn't get a picture of him working his magic with the little ladies as the look on his face to me was priceless when I called him on it. ;)

Daddy explaining its time to go.

Who takes a man seriously in a decorated newspaper hat?!

An ode to my Garfa.

Dear Current Husband:

I know I don't stop and appreciate you as often as I should.
I know I can be downright mean with my mouth sometimes.
I am so incredibly sorry for those times.
I don't mean about 99% of what I say and I'm sorry.
That other 1% .... well yeah, I mean it. ;)

I know I can be difficult to live with, deal with and even like at times.
I applaud you for putting up with me on days when I can barely stand being in my own skin.
You continuously support me like a brand new, high end underwire bra, even when my head thinks I'm no better than a shot-elastic Walmart special.

I cry tears of sheer gratitude for all that you've brought into my life, how you hold our family together when I can't and for how very blessed we truly are as a family.
You often mistake those tears for misery.
Sometimes I am miserable.
Miserable with myself.
Once in awhile it is you, I won't lie, but its usually me.

I think you are an amazing person and I don't tell you often enough.
Don't get me wrong, you can be a straight up jackass at times too.
Thank you for being amazing far more than you are a jackass though.

Thank you for working so hard, giving of yourself so the kids & I can have the very best, always.
Thank you for always trying.
Thank you for always believing.
Thank you for never giving up.
Thank you for being you.

There is NO ONE I'd rather be half of an US with than you.

1/2 my love (hey, I gotta save some for myself & the kids...),
Marissa

I feel good.

Maybe its the new meds I'm on, most likely, but man do I feel good. It's been a great few days, waking up all optimistic rather than wanting to just pull the pillow over my head and make the new day go away.

I can almost make out the light at the end of this weight loss tunnel. Heck, I'm not even half way there but I feel empowered that I CAN do this. I've been mentally waffling over it for a few weeks but have remained steadfast that I would not give up on myself. My husband, my friends & my trainer believe in me - I can't let them, or myself, down. I'm determined to see this through to the end. (To infinity....and beyond!)

My kids have been really great lately too. Not sure if its just they are getting older and perhaps a little calmer or shoot, maybe its those meds again. ;) Garth was away for 3 night-nights last week on a business trip and I didn't melt down or cry once. That perhaps may be a first. ::blushing::

Before I began this weight loss journey, all of my pants were size 14, and tight at that. I had a couple pairs of 16's (my biggest size ever) and man, did I hate putting them on. Some days I just had to. I'm happy to report about 90% of my size 14's are basically swimming on me. I have 2 pairs of jeans that are size 12 and yesterday I noticed that I needed a belt with the pair I had on. I ordered a pair of size 10's online a few weeks ago and sweet mother, I slid them on and zipped them up smoothly. No muffin top or anything. That was seriously just shy of orgasmic.

Some people take feeling good for granted. I sure don't. I wish I could feel like this all the time. It's wonderful. :)

When there's a will, there's a way.

Oh, Mr. Bathroom Scale, oh how I loved you this morning.
THANK YOU!!!

I have almost lost my first 20 lbs. I'm soooo close, I can almost taste it. Mmmm, the taste of success is so sweet. I've heard it said that weight loss tastes better than any food. Even my beloved pizza?! Yes, even better than my beloved pizza, extra sauce please.

This past week I've been so good. I've measured everything, recorded everything, stayed within my calories, fat grams, proteins, carbs, exercised...whew! I had processed food like ONCE and yum, was it good. Guess what it was?! I still managed to stay within my range that day, thankyouverymuch! Other than those 2 small slices of pizza, I had a really "clean" week as my trainer would say.

Mr. Bathroom Scale thanked me by going down THREE POUNDS!!!

::: insert 1990's cabbage patch dance right here :::

I had my consultation appointment with the plastic surgeon today. I'm happy to report that I want this surgery done for the approved reasons, I am a stellar candidate for the procedures and the dr. thinks my goals and expectations are totally within reason, acceptable and realistic. Sweeeeeeeet.

I've still got a solid 30 lbs. to go before surgery but I can tell you that after seeing good 'ol Mr. Bathroom Scale treat me so right this morning, working out hard and then having a great, informative appointment with the Dr, I am more focused than ever.

Hey Finish Line, HERE I COME!!!!!

i think i can...
i know i can...
I KNOW I WILL!!!!

saturday evening post.

So its Saturday night, what you doing?

Me? Oh that's easy - same as most Saturday nights.

Here I lay, in my pajamas, in bed at 8:30.

I've gotten so predictable and almost downright boring in my mid-30's. Ahhhh, and it feels so good.

Sometimes I miss the dizzying dancing & bar hopping Saturday nights of my 20's. I don't miss the drama or the regrets of things drunkenly said & done. Oh I still have those Saturday nights -- but now they are just much fewer and way further in-between.

This diet ...err, new lifestyle....has me drinking a lot less alcohol these days which means I choose to stay home even more than I did 3 months ago. I'm pretty sure my liver and shrinking waistline thank me.

Some days I envy my friends with no kids yet. Their freedom, ability to be spontaneous. Their smaller loads of laundry. A revelation I never realized until recently is that most of them actually envy me.

Tonite I will go to bed at a time my grandmother would be proud of, 100% sober. I'm sure there's a handful of girlfriends that will be out, whooping it up without me. Tomorrow I will wake up as some of them are just rolling in, feeling refreshed, my hair won't be smokey and I won't feel like a bear crawled in my mouth, dried up and then died.

There's a trade off to this now routine, sometimes boring life. I figure I'm coming out ahead.

E-Dawg, 20 months old

This was just too cute for me not to share. My daughter has a new found love for music (and Dora!!). She lip-syncs in the car constantly with her mouth just a'going, bopping her head around, arms flailing like she's at a rock concert. It is so hilarious and she looks so happy and entertained while she's doing it!

For a kid who has ear issues and doesn't say much, I think she said "gimme that" pretty clear at the end of the video. Do you agree? :)

du du du du.

As long as I've lived in our house, I've always felt some bizarre 'something' here. Little things occur and I always laugh and think, "How'd Grandma Fern get in my house?" (she passed away 10 years ago and was my special person who made the world a better place because she was in it). They're always small things, nothing crazy like flying wall decor or anything. I've always just laughed it off and never been afraid. Our house was built new by us, on former farm land, how could it be 'haunted'?!

So, Garth's on an overnight business trip and...

Our 13 year old stops in my room to say goodbye on his way out the door for school this morning. The usual pleasantries of, "I love you, have a good day" exit my mouth and he walks out the door. I roll over knowing I have to get up in a few minutes but want to devour those last few minutes of precious sleep.

I drift back off and then I'm suddenly awoke by little man J saying, "Mom! Someone turned on our computer monitor and my room is shining so bright I can't sleep. Will you help me?"

"Huh? Ok, hang on"

I roll over to grab my glasses off the night stand and groggily gaze at the clock. 12:58. Huh?

I stand up with a complete jolt and know I wasn't dreaming about B leaving for school. What is going on?

I run into the bathroom and look at that clock. 12:59. Ok so its not my clock, something is definitely wrong here.

I sprint upstairs and throw on B's bedroom light. He really is gone.

My heart is beating so fast, I'm envisioning kidnapping, police and where the hell is my kid?!?!?!

I quickly slip into my slip-on tennis shoes, no coat, and bolt out the door. I'm wearing thin pajamas pants and a t-shirt. I run down the entire block toward the bus stop, screaming B's name, not caring who I woke up at this point. No answer. I don't see him. I run back toward home to call the police. My heart was beating out of my body, the adrenaline rush was crazy.

I'm thinking, "most people aren't criminals or kidnappers but geez, at 1am there's a kid standing on the street corner, what an opportunity". I won't lie, I started panicking. Where is my kid?!?!

As I get back to my front door, I hear his voice. I stop and look around. I don't see him but I know I heard him. "B? Where are you?!" I yell into the night.

"I'm right here, Mom. What's wrong?" as he's walking toward me, from the direction of the bus stop. (I didn't know that the middle school bus stop is 3 doors further down than the elementary bus stop - I mean, I don't drop him off at the bus stop like I do my 1st grader, kwim?)

I get him back in the house, was shaking & scared to death and realize how very cold I am having just run around our neighborhood and back with no coat on in dangerously freezing sub-zero weather. Where had he been? Didn't he notice a clock? What the hell was he doing outside in the freezing middle of the night? Didn't he wonder why no other kids were out there??? And why in the hell did he turn the computer monitor on in the boys' room?!

He said he heard his alarm go off. He didn't think anything of it and just got up, showered, ate breakfast and left for school, despite the clocks all reading 12: in the hour place. He does get confused sometimes while sleeping and does bizarre things but this one takes the cake. He said he knows for sure he never walked into the boys' room this morning.

Thank God for that computer monitor turning itself on in the night. I don't know how long he would have stood out there, on the street alone, at 1 o'clock in the morning. What an opportunity for a sick person. It frightened me to the core just thinking about the possibilities and I can't say I slept much since 1am. What might have happened to him if J hadn't come downstairs and needed me for something that commanded I wake up and get out of bed to fix?

That computer monitor? I went upstairs and there it was, blazing a blue cast across the boys' bedroom. The computer was completely shut down and turned off. No one had touched it.

bleach. bleach. i love bleach.

There's just something awesome about bleach. It's one of the least earthy products we use in our home but I refuse to get rid of it. I do recycle the bleach bottle when I'm done with it though. ;)

Today I cleaned. Straightened the living room, moved furniture to vaccum, decluttered. Cleaned the kitchen table, swept the tile floor and wiped down the countertops. Did some laundry, put things away and organized the cloth diaper bin.

Then I bleached the bathroom that gets the most traffic. Every stankin' surface, every germy crevice got a good dose of some watered down bleach. Yum. It was almost therapeutic how clean I got that bathroom sink and toilet.

A fresh start.

I remarked to myself while vaccuming that the relatively new carpet in our living room looks like crap. Other people have nice things, nice carpeting, nice walls. Our walls all need a fresh coat of paint. Dinged, bumped, scraped, our entire 2 upper levels of this house could use some sprucing up in a big bad way. Our living room furniture has seen better days and its not even that old.

Such is the life with 4 kids I guess. I just don't know how everyone else I know has like perfect houses, decorated with class. I feel like our home is bustling all the time, chaotic a lot and by no means am I going to be given any interior design awards any time soon. I wish our house looked more pulled together, that's for sure.

Wish everything in our house could be fixed up with a little bleach like our hallway bathroom was this morning.

Someday when my kids are grown and gone from the house, I'll probaby think back and give anything to have another day with 4 growing, happy kids under my roof even if that means our couch has cottage cheese on it and the carpeting is yucky.

Some things money can't buy, and for everything else... there's bleach. LOL. :)

screw it. I WILL WIN.

I am my own worst enemy.

I read an article today that contained a checklist of 'disordered behaviors and attitudes' toward food.

http://www.sparkpeople.com/resource/nutrition_articles.asp?id=609&page=2

Wowed & stunned, here was a published article written directly from the author's fingers meant to be seen by my eyes. I was/am practicing far too many of them and have been for many, many years.

I was feeding into one of them right then & there while reading the dang article.

I didn't particularly like what the scale said this morning. In protest, I decided I wouldn't go to the gym today. You know, because *that* makes sense.

All day I went 'round & 'round with my head to get my butt to the gym. I knew I wasn't going, almost like a punishment for the scale 'failing' me today. Man, that's dumb. Stupid is as stupid does and sometimes my head does some really stupid things.

Then Tiffany told me to basically stop, suck it up and do it. Go after that endorphine high. Thanks, my beotch. Your prompting was obviously even more words that I was meant to hear today. {{{smooches}}}

60 minutes = 70 lengths of the lap pool swam, which = 1 mile. DONE.

We Roll Mad Deep Yo.

That's what we call ourselves. It's the oddest combination of friends I've ever had yet somehow we mesh together like a fine silken fabric. You know how sometimes silk can have those little bumps or teeny knots in the fabric? Yeah, we've got those too. I love and accept each one of you, bumps, knots and all.

I love these girls. Our friendships sort of just fell in our laps, I know I sure wasn't out looking for them. Perhaps that was the intent.

Rachel, Ellisa and Tiffany:

Thank you for being such great friends to me.
Thank you for loving me, even on days I don't love myself.
Thank you for being honest with me and trusting me in return.
Thank you for being respectful, even when you don't agree with me.
Thank you for putting up with my never-ending quest

to get Tiffany to put on a pair of pants, for goodness sake.
Thank you for the laughter and thank you for the tears --
happy tears, sad tears, they're just shared tears
and that somehow makes them a little better.
Thank you for all of the revealing chats we've had
and the memories we make together.

Your support is bountiful, I hope you feel mine too.
Thank you for the silent contentment I feel when I'm with you.
Thank you for making me feel like anything is possible in my life
and to not accept settling for less.
I trust each one of you with my thoughts, feelings and children.
That means the world to me.
Heck, I'd loan each of you my husband if you needed him.
Hammering a nail, hanging a shelf...you know, or whatever. ;)
I love you individually and us together as a group.

I am a better person because each of you are in my life.
I know when I call and hear your voice

its reassurance, wit, laughter & genuine concern that will greet me.
I pray this friendship lasts a really, really long time

and grows only stronger & filled with lots & lots of silken knots.

I want to be part of the fiber that makes you YOU

like you very much are a part of me too.
I hope you love & need me as much as I love & need you

because I don't know what I'd do without any of you.
~ Marissa

A few representations of our friendship:

Kind of like always being a bridesmaid,
I'm sort of always the photographer.
From left: Ellisa, Tiffany and Rachel

Proud Mary keep on burning
And were rolling, rolling
rolling mad deep yo.

Big & preggo at my baby shower, with Rachel:

Slumber party drunken T making -
duh, don't you all make T's when you're at a drunken slumber party?!

Shared secrets are always the best secrets...
they make for the best inside jokes!

I am at a loss for words at Tiffany's utter debauchery.

Preparing for yet another drink fest birthday celebration:

They said I was a beotch to making sure my wedding pic was in the background. :)

Life imitating art. We like to call this piece Big Breasteses.

Birthday party lovin' with waaaaaaaaay preggo Ellisa.

More birthday party drunken love -- Ellisa's sober though. :)

2005-- geez we look young.

after club-hopping, pizza eatin' & dancing our fool heads off...

Wow, baby bobert is very much no longer a baby!!!

To Ellisa, Tiffany & Rachel, I promise to...

Feb 15 ramblings.

Today is one of my high school boyfriends' birthday. Happy Birthday Allen, wherever you are.

That said, how in the hell do I remember some random dude's birthday from half a lifetime ago yet I can't remember what I wore yesterday? I even get my wedding anniversary wrong half the time I say it. Geez. I make myself so proud. @@ <---rolling my eyes at myself and my screwed up selective memory.

Yesterday was a good day. The kids were happy with their valentines and candy. I was thrilled with my 'mailed to me' valentine. Yes, Garth mailed my valentines day gift to me because he said he knows how much I like getting mail. I'll admit I was a little perplexed by the gesture but he won big after he explained. In the box were all Bath & Body Works goodies; lotion and moisturing gloves and a cucumber eye thingermerbob I had wanted. I loved it all. We went out to dinner, just the 2 of us, and devoured some sushi. Then Garth went, without complaint, to 2 different stores shoe shopping. A good day for sure.

My in-laws called and thanked me for their valentines - they were thrilled to receive the surprise from the kids in the mail. I also mailed valentines to my sister & her family, my mom & stepdad and my dad & stepmom but never heard a word from any of them as to whether they received them. I'm not sure how I feel about that. :(

Still in the pink valentines day theme, but not really related to valentine's day --

My mother-in-law bought me a pink KitchenAid stand mixer last week. I can't believe I have a KitchenAid - that's SO sweet!! In the past 4 years I've picked up sewing (though I'm not very good), crafting hair bows, decorating cakes and canning. I'm becoming the modern day freakin' Martha Stewart. It makes my mom downright giddy to see this side of me -- the domestic side she'd completely given up on. I can even whip up a few meals on my own in the crock pot these days. I know, I know, I aim high.

Stand back Mama, next year I'm growing my own veggies, mixing them into salsa in my sweet new KitchenAid and then canning them. I think I need a cool, retro apron or old lady kitchen smock or sumpin'. Maybe for Mother's Day....

Happy Valentine's Day!

February 14, the day of love. We all need a little more love in our lives, don't we? I know I personally could never get enough.

I awoke to this from my 13 year old son this morning, what a little lover I'm creating:

This is from my 5 year old who wrote it all by himself - his teacher told him the letters and he wrote it completely on his own. Sigh, it goes so fast....he was my baby like just yesterday.

My valentine from J was so cute too, but daddy took it to work to hang on his wall since it was addressed to both of us so no pic, sorry.

Garth & I are dining on some Valentine's Day sushi tonite and we'll exchange our little trinkets of love then. We got the kids some candy.

This is the best E could give me this morning but she did look really cute before she ate that maple biter biscuit. She's her normal messy self again now.

This day, last year -- same bows! My how she's grown and changed.

Monday E looked so cute I just had to take her picture. I bought this pair of European leather baby shoes off Ebay eons ago and finally they fit. They are sooooo stankin' cute!!!

Another cute pic I uploaded: last week the kids were diggin' on some watermelon - look past our stainless fridge that is forever in need of a polishing. ;)

Happy Valentine's Day!!!