The title says it all. I've yet to have a dr. make me cry but today I came pretty darn close.
First things first, I like my pediatrician as a person. I really do. Heck, through a string of friends its possible she could someday get linked to my blog. I'm still saying what I think regardless, even if that means someday she sees my words. Not likely but hey, I'm not stupid either.
Today was E's 18 month well baby visit, despite her being technically 20 months old now. She's been sick for over 2 months and is finally well and since well baby visits include immunizations, I refuse to go when my babies are sick. No one is giving my sick baby more for their bodies to handle. We only allow 1 immunization at a time so that always seems to be a battle of wills at each visit as well. I prevail each time, mind you. I am the mama. Yes my ped. may have went to medical school and know what she does but bottom line, I know my beliefs. I know my rights. I know my children. I do for them what I believe to be best for them. period.
The dr. told me today that W won't be able to go to school in the fall until his shots are caught up, that the school will refuse to enroll him. I literally laughed at her and then asked her if all her patients believe her bull and that W is, in fact, already in school with no problem. Duh.
Did you know varicella (aka chicken pox) is going around?! Funny thing about those communicable diseases... they go around. That said, we're still not getting the damn vax.
My ped. seems to have days like I do. She's up some days, down on others and each day/visit can unfortunately be unpredictable. I know she recently lost her mom and because I can't even imagine the gamut of emotions that entails, I try to cut her some slack but man, today was a 'down' day that hinged on downright rude.
First she told me that my daughter was "wet and smells like pee", with a wrinkled nose and look of disgust when she opened her diaper to peer at her nether regions. Ok so I've been here in this room for nearly a half hour now and she was freshly changed right before I left home. My response? A look of "what the f*ck" and a "well I guess her diaper is doing its job?" reply. Bite me. I use cloth diapers. I'm obviously aware that they get wet. Think I leave her in them for hours on end? I don't. Do I catch her pee as it happens? Some do! That's called EC'ing (elimination communication) and I don't do it. See? I'm not *that* stupid after all.
She then seemed really derailed by the fact that my toddler threw a full-on embarrassing tantrum on the floor when I wouldn't allow her to play in the trash can. The dr. waited for E to finish before continuing. Hey, if that were the case in our household, we'd never speak. Whatever.
Vit. D milk was causing E to throw up cottage cheese within minutes of drinking it. Every one of our children has reacted at some point to milk this way, so it hardly surprised us when suddenly E wasn't tolerating it so well. We stopped giving it to her and now feed her a variety of soy, rice and almond milks. I guess now she's going to be neurologically deficit, according to what I learned today. You can bet I'll be investigating that further. Surely someone will agree with me that cows milk is actually meant for baby cows and that humans can survive without it. I don't like it, don't drink it and actually think its gross. I dated a dairy farmer once, if you can believe that. I respected his opinions and choice of trade but also respectively disagreed.
I digress.
We no longer have baby gates so E is also doomed for further neurological distress any day now.
We do feed her a wide variety of healthy proteins, carbs, fats, fruits & vegetables, she's growing well and exceeding all of her developmental milestones, even with her ongoing hearing/ear issues. We do keep up on her ENT appointments, lock up our cleaning supplies & medications and she's still in a car seat so I guess we got a "good parents" check mark after those requisites. Um, thanks? Just doing my job.
Today was NOT a good ped. appointment. I'm going to cool down and then scour our insurance website for participating doctors in my area in the next few days. While I don't want to do anything rash, I also refuse to be treated like a negligent mother. I am not. I'm far from perfect but I'm also far from blissfully ignorant when it comes to parenting.
The nursing staff is the glue that holds this practice together. They are 3 amazing women who truly love children and treat me with nothing but respect each time I enter the building or talk to them on the phone. They keep me coming back time and time again. I fear my adoration for them might, this time, not be enough. They did, however, win brownie points this morning by noticing I'd lost weight. That felt fab. ;)
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Monday, February 11, 2008
Jammies did not win!
In yesterdays post I was debating putting my pajamas back on or taking the kids swimming. Oh the pajamas sounded so tempting. I have 3 pairs of Old Navy fleece pants that are just heaven to slip into. Sometimes they are too hot when I'm actually sleeping but kicking around the house in them is nothing short of wonderful on these cold winter days.
The pajamas didn't win.
We took the kids to the gym and we all went swimming. Man, do my kids love the water, each & every one of them. Having been swimming quite well since before I could even walk, I've always loved the water too.
At our gym there are 4 pools. 2 are in one area and 2 are in another. The 2 'inside' pools are well, inside. There is an exercise pool; small and only goes to 5 feet. A lot of water aerobics & rehab type stuff takes place in that pool. Then there is a lap pool. The 2 'outside' pools are outside but only during the warm months. During the cold months, there is a HUGE dome cover that is put over the 2 pools so they can be used all winter long. The leisure pool is just that. Kids flock to this pool. It could be the warm water but its probably the huge water slide attached to it. The other pool is a really large lap pool. 12 feet deep at the deepest point. It goes from 3-4-5 feet and then drooooooooooops right off. I love it.
E (20 months) loves swimming. Like she pulls away when you try to hold her hand or hold the back of her bathing suit so she won't go under. With the tubes in her ears she's not supposed to be going under. Someone needs to 'splain that to her since Garth & I can't get it through to her. She's seeing the ENT later this week and we're having custom ear plugs made for her. She needs them. Let's hope she wears them without complaint. Fingers crossed.
Last night I challenged J & W to both try the water slide for the first time. W (5) was all over it. Kid knows no fear. J (6) scoffed a bit but was not to be outdone by his little brother. I assured him he'd be fine. He wasn't afraid of the water slide itself, he was afraid of what he'd do when he hit the water at the bottom. From the base of the slide to the steps is about 15 feet or so that you have to be able to swim successfully to be allowed to use the slide. I knew both boys were ready.
Down came B (13). He's been navigating that slide for years. No problem.
Next came fearless W. Big smile on his face as he reached the bottom and splashed in. Up he came to the surface, eyes kind of big wondering what comes next but he just bobbed along until he reached the stairs. That's my boy. Sometimes his very real lack of fear really frightens me but in this instance it thrilled me that his confidence took him right to the edge of the pool with ease.
J's turn. Little Man Nervous that he is I know his little heart must have been just a'fluttering. Hit the water, started kicking. Eyes real big, like W's, but I had no doubt he'd make it safely to the stairs. He did it, no problem!!!! Yay J!!!
While Garth played with the 3 younger kids, B and I headed over to our favorite spot. We take the inside lane of the lap pool and swim laps, challenging each other in different strokes, racing to the other end. I never let him win but last night he truly beat me on the last lap. I was whooped! He was making great progress though and I really had to bust butt to whip him each lap. hahahaha! We also have a game we've been playing since he was about 6. We take a diving stick or ring or block, or whatever we find first, and toss it in the 12 foot deep end and take turns retrieving it. I know how much he loves this game we've been playing for like forever. Good mom/boy bonding time. :)
It was some great exercise and a great family night. The kids were POOPED when we got home. Another awesome reward!!!
*********
side note:
Today finally marks 15 lbs. that have been shed off my fat ass.
Go me! :)
The pajamas didn't win.
We took the kids to the gym and we all went swimming. Man, do my kids love the water, each & every one of them. Having been swimming quite well since before I could even walk, I've always loved the water too.
At our gym there are 4 pools. 2 are in one area and 2 are in another. The 2 'inside' pools are well, inside. There is an exercise pool; small and only goes to 5 feet. A lot of water aerobics & rehab type stuff takes place in that pool. Then there is a lap pool. The 2 'outside' pools are outside but only during the warm months. During the cold months, there is a HUGE dome cover that is put over the 2 pools so they can be used all winter long. The leisure pool is just that. Kids flock to this pool. It could be the warm water but its probably the huge water slide attached to it. The other pool is a really large lap pool. 12 feet deep at the deepest point. It goes from 3-4-5 feet and then drooooooooooops right off. I love it.
E (20 months) loves swimming. Like she pulls away when you try to hold her hand or hold the back of her bathing suit so she won't go under. With the tubes in her ears she's not supposed to be going under. Someone needs to 'splain that to her since Garth & I can't get it through to her. She's seeing the ENT later this week and we're having custom ear plugs made for her. She needs them. Let's hope she wears them without complaint. Fingers crossed.
Last night I challenged J & W to both try the water slide for the first time. W (5) was all over it. Kid knows no fear. J (6) scoffed a bit but was not to be outdone by his little brother. I assured him he'd be fine. He wasn't afraid of the water slide itself, he was afraid of what he'd do when he hit the water at the bottom. From the base of the slide to the steps is about 15 feet or so that you have to be able to swim successfully to be allowed to use the slide. I knew both boys were ready.
Down came B (13). He's been navigating that slide for years. No problem.
Next came fearless W. Big smile on his face as he reached the bottom and splashed in. Up he came to the surface, eyes kind of big wondering what comes next but he just bobbed along until he reached the stairs. That's my boy. Sometimes his very real lack of fear really frightens me but in this instance it thrilled me that his confidence took him right to the edge of the pool with ease.
J's turn. Little Man Nervous that he is I know his little heart must have been just a'fluttering. Hit the water, started kicking. Eyes real big, like W's, but I had no doubt he'd make it safely to the stairs. He did it, no problem!!!! Yay J!!!
While Garth played with the 3 younger kids, B and I headed over to our favorite spot. We take the inside lane of the lap pool and swim laps, challenging each other in different strokes, racing to the other end. I never let him win but last night he truly beat me on the last lap. I was whooped! He was making great progress though and I really had to bust butt to whip him each lap. hahahaha! We also have a game we've been playing since he was about 6. We take a diving stick or ring or block, or whatever we find first, and toss it in the 12 foot deep end and take turns retrieving it. I know how much he loves this game we've been playing for like forever. Good mom/boy bonding time. :)
It was some great exercise and a great family night. The kids were POOPED when we got home. Another awesome reward!!!
*********
side note:
Today finally marks 15 lbs. that have been shed off my fat ass.
Go me! :)
Sunday, February 10, 2008
branching out.
I'm realizing I talk about my weight loss journey a lot. It does weigh heavily on my mind but I'm not a walking billboard for those chasing their health, nor am I striving to become a body builder, a personal trainer or anything even remotely similar. I do talk, think and obsess about other things too, I swear. :)
Ramblings in my brain today:
Man, it's cold outside. The front of the newspaper said "Dangerously Cold" where the daily temperature usually sits. It is bitter cold. Like so cold i didn't know it could get this cold, cold.
I worked out this morning but had to cut my usual routine short by 15 minutes to give myself enough time to shower and get ready for church. I went straight to church from the gym and met my family there. I have this overwhelming urge to go back to the gym and finish my workout. What the hell?!
I had some seriously yummy fresh brewed iced tea today, the kids behaved at the restaurant, I made a good food choice and didn't eat too much. That there is a more than one miracle that occured at lunch!
My sisters birthday is this week. I cannot believe we are getting as old as we are. In my head, we're still teenagers. For real. ;)
E has an appointment with the ENT this week. Her tubes are both being pushed out by drainage that has blocked her tubes and is forcing them out of her ear drum. I have an otoscope (yes, i'm weird) and I can see that like 95% of the tube is sticking into her ear canal where you're supposed to only see the end cap of the tube. Lovely that we haven't yet met our 2008 deductible with our insurance and will pay for the reinsertion surgery out of pocket. Can't wait.
Big Brother starts this week. I love me some Big Brother. YAY!
My jeans are all getting too big. My belt is now 2 holes over from where I started.
I wish the coffee fairy would bring me a fresh cup, I'm out.
This week I'm ordering a pair of Robeez Tredz for E. I balked at the price but told G I really wanted a pair and he said "go for it". I have a 10% off coupon and I'm "going for it".
Speaking of Garth, he just showed me his butt in a new pair of jeans. He has a cute butt.
I think I want to go put my pajamas on.
I think I want to go back to the gym. Maybe take the kids swimming and work out a little more.
Decisions, decisions.
The jammies might win.
Ramblings in my brain today:
Man, it's cold outside. The front of the newspaper said "Dangerously Cold" where the daily temperature usually sits. It is bitter cold. Like so cold i didn't know it could get this cold, cold.
I worked out this morning but had to cut my usual routine short by 15 minutes to give myself enough time to shower and get ready for church. I went straight to church from the gym and met my family there. I have this overwhelming urge to go back to the gym and finish my workout. What the hell?!
I had some seriously yummy fresh brewed iced tea today, the kids behaved at the restaurant, I made a good food choice and didn't eat too much. That there is a more than one miracle that occured at lunch!
My sisters birthday is this week. I cannot believe we are getting as old as we are. In my head, we're still teenagers. For real. ;)
E has an appointment with the ENT this week. Her tubes are both being pushed out by drainage that has blocked her tubes and is forcing them out of her ear drum. I have an otoscope (yes, i'm weird) and I can see that like 95% of the tube is sticking into her ear canal where you're supposed to only see the end cap of the tube. Lovely that we haven't yet met our 2008 deductible with our insurance and will pay for the reinsertion surgery out of pocket. Can't wait.
Big Brother starts this week. I love me some Big Brother. YAY!
My jeans are all getting too big. My belt is now 2 holes over from where I started.
I wish the coffee fairy would bring me a fresh cup, I'm out.
This week I'm ordering a pair of Robeez Tredz for E. I balked at the price but told G I really wanted a pair and he said "go for it". I have a 10% off coupon and I'm "going for it".
Speaking of Garth, he just showed me his butt in a new pair of jeans. He has a cute butt.
I think I want to go put my pajamas on.
I think I want to go back to the gym. Maybe take the kids swimming and work out a little more.
Decisions, decisions.
The jammies might win.
Saturday, February 9, 2008
Dear Diary,
So yesterday I was up 2 lbs over last weeks weigh in. Today, 3 lbs. How in the hell will I ever get to the end of the road if I keep backsliding toward the beginning?! Yeah yeah, so its "that time of the month", I'd swear after the past two days I should be down like 7 lbs. -- ok, I'm done being gross. My morale is sort of low. I'm still chugging my water and making good food choices but dang it, my attitude is pretty pissy today, I won't lie.
My husband reads my blog. We talk about my entries sometimes and I always ask him why he doesn't leave me a comment, at least telling me he was here. Even though he knows he's 'allowed' to read my blog (heck, I don't care if he goes through my purse, he doesn't, but I'm just not that interesting or secretive), he feels like he's invading my space, reading my diary, or similar. So on that note:
Dear Diary --
I'm really struggling with this diet thing. I want to succeed at this so badly but the results are forever two steps forward, big leap back. The worst part is that in the back of my head, I truly don't believe in myself AT ALL, nor my ability to see this through to the end.
I'm so grateful my husband supports my hiring of a personal trainer once a week and doesn't bitch about the extra $260 on our gym bill each month. That trainer really has kept me going. Without her, I know I would have thrown in the towel by now. Each week she gets me refocused and ready to tackle the next week ahead. She inspires me to eat better and move more and the exercises she's taught me will benefit me for decades to come. She believes in me and says I'm making awesome progress. I always laugh and tell her she's paid to tell me that. Even in my I'd-soooo-rather-be-spending-$65-a-week-on-smaller-clothes-for-myself mind I know she is money very well spent.
I decided I need some rewards to work toward. I've set goals, none are too outrageous - I pray they help keep me on the right path and best of all -- motivate me to NEVER EVER, EVER GIVE UP ON MYSELF:
PERSONAL REWARDS:
20 lb loss - a massage, facial & pedicure
25 lb loss - all new work out clothes & sports bras (that fit!)
40 lb loss - a North Face jacket, i've always wanted a North Face jacket
50 lb loss - tummy tuck & breast augmentation
55 lb loss - i want to climb a rock wall, straight to the top!!
Ok so maybe the 50 lb. loss reward will be expensive. But oh diary, I really want to see that reward. I originally thought I'd see it by June. The reality now is I'm just hoping to see it by my birthday in November. I had no idea this was going to be *as* hard as its been.
I keep plugging away, I really do. I don't cheat. I've had meals that I could have avoided and portions that could have been a little smaller, but overall, I'm pretty dang proud of myself for hanging in there for the past 77 days straight. I've drank more water in the past 77 days than I probably drank in the entire year of 2006.
Mentally this is exhausting. Physically this is exhausting. My moods are all over the place sometimes. I hate that part. Ultimately, when my body is lean, my arms & legs strong, my breasts round, firm & filled with saline, my tummy so taunt you could bounce quarters off it and I've added probably an additional 20 years to my lifespan, it will all be worth it.
Right?!
My husband reads my blog. We talk about my entries sometimes and I always ask him why he doesn't leave me a comment, at least telling me he was here. Even though he knows he's 'allowed' to read my blog (heck, I don't care if he goes through my purse, he doesn't, but I'm just not that interesting or secretive), he feels like he's invading my space, reading my diary, or similar. So on that note:
Dear Diary --
I'm really struggling with this diet thing. I want to succeed at this so badly but the results are forever two steps forward, big leap back. The worst part is that in the back of my head, I truly don't believe in myself AT ALL, nor my ability to see this through to the end.
I'm so grateful my husband supports my hiring of a personal trainer once a week and doesn't bitch about the extra $260 on our gym bill each month. That trainer really has kept me going. Without her, I know I would have thrown in the towel by now. Each week she gets me refocused and ready to tackle the next week ahead. She inspires me to eat better and move more and the exercises she's taught me will benefit me for decades to come. She believes in me and says I'm making awesome progress. I always laugh and tell her she's paid to tell me that. Even in my I'd-soooo-rather-be-spending-$65-a-week-on-smaller-clothes-for-myself mind I know she is money very well spent.
I decided I need some rewards to work toward. I've set goals, none are too outrageous - I pray they help keep me on the right path and best of all -- motivate me to NEVER EVER, EVER GIVE UP ON MYSELF:
PERSONAL REWARDS:
20 lb loss - a massage, facial & pedicure
25 lb loss - all new work out clothes & sports bras (that fit!)
40 lb loss - a North Face jacket, i've always wanted a North Face jacket
50 lb loss - tummy tuck & breast augmentation
55 lb loss - i want to climb a rock wall, straight to the top!!
Ok so maybe the 50 lb. loss reward will be expensive. But oh diary, I really want to see that reward. I originally thought I'd see it by June. The reality now is I'm just hoping to see it by my birthday in November. I had no idea this was going to be *as* hard as its been.
I keep plugging away, I really do. I don't cheat. I've had meals that I could have avoided and portions that could have been a little smaller, but overall, I'm pretty dang proud of myself for hanging in there for the past 77 days straight. I've drank more water in the past 77 days than I probably drank in the entire year of 2006.
Mentally this is exhausting. Physically this is exhausting. My moods are all over the place sometimes. I hate that part. Ultimately, when my body is lean, my arms & legs strong, my breasts round, firm & filled with saline, my tummy so taunt you could bounce quarters off it and I've added probably an additional 20 years to my lifespan, it will all be worth it.
Right?!
Friday, February 8, 2008
my ass. its on fire.
On Wednesday my personal trainer gave me a whole new workout routine. It seemed easy and she laughed when I told her so. By dinner I could barely walk.
Yesterday my butt felt like 2 rocks banging together - I was so stiff and sore.
Today, a little better. I don't want to work out though. I'm going to, whether I like it or not -- I'm going to go through the motions and no way am I talking myself out of it. E is still asleep and depending on whether she's snoring or not, we'll either go to the gym or I'll work out here at home. I've already laid out E's clothes and got her diaper bag all ready to go.
The scale is not my friend. I've been doing all that I'm supposed to. Drinking all my water, watching everything I eat, working out. Last week was a good week, this one, I'm actually up 2 lbs. as of this morning. How?!? I swear women get so screwed with this stupid 'water retention' bullshit each month. Tomorrow I'm sure I'll be down like 5 lbs. and then back up again. The scale is just all over the place. I need like 35-40 more lbs. gone. I can't be taking steps backwards, dang it!!!!!
Two steps forward, one step back.
It wears so hard on my motivation & determination.
I'm GOING to be skinny again.
It's just NOT going to be today.
Or tomorrow. [sigh]
***************
update: I worked out at home for 45 minutes -- worked up a real sweat, so that felt productive.
Yesterday my butt felt like 2 rocks banging together - I was so stiff and sore.
Today, a little better. I don't want to work out though. I'm going to, whether I like it or not -- I'm going to go through the motions and no way am I talking myself out of it. E is still asleep and depending on whether she's snoring or not, we'll either go to the gym or I'll work out here at home. I've already laid out E's clothes and got her diaper bag all ready to go.
The scale is not my friend. I've been doing all that I'm supposed to. Drinking all my water, watching everything I eat, working out. Last week was a good week, this one, I'm actually up 2 lbs. as of this morning. How?!? I swear women get so screwed with this stupid 'water retention' bullshit each month. Tomorrow I'm sure I'll be down like 5 lbs. and then back up again. The scale is just all over the place. I need like 35-40 more lbs. gone. I can't be taking steps backwards, dang it!!!!!
Two steps forward, one step back.
It wears so hard on my motivation & determination.
I'm GOING to be skinny again.
It's just NOT going to be today.
Or tomorrow. [sigh]
***************
update: I worked out at home for 45 minutes -- worked up a real sweat, so that felt productive.
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Bridging the old with the new.
My oldest son, B, brought home straight A's for the first semester of 7th grade yesterday. Even though he's slightly awkward, slightly boy, slightly pubescent, he makes me cry tears of joy that he's handling these middle school years so much better than I ever did. Making straight A's and exceling in 2 sports too. He's quite the kid to be proud of. :D
I still can't believe I have a teenager. I still feel like one myself sometimes! Speaking of...
A few weeks ago I ran into a girl I've known since elementary school. We knew each other and lived in the same neighborhood -- she was a grade ahead of me -- but never really became friends until high school when we were on the same pom team. Holly quickly became one of my great friends and we shared some really wonderful times together growing up. I feel like she knew me even before I knew myself.
Sometime in college our lives took different paths, I left town and we lost touch. I went on to have some seriously rocky 20's, grow another 4 inches (Holly didn't, LOL), enter & get out of an abusive marriage, finish college, get remarried, have a tribe of children, make new friends. The distant memories of high school started getting a little fuzzy around the edges.
Running into Holly innocently at Kohl's lit a spark in my head. I was SO happy to see her, so happy to reconnect and still scratch my head over how we let life get in the way and our friendship fall by the wayside. It happens I guess, through no ones fault, it just does.
Since seeing her, my head has been flooded with all these wonderful memories. She told me her mom passed away and I was almost overcome with emotion over a woman I have not seen in like 17 years. Holly's mom listened to you when you spoke. She didn't talk at you nor over you, she talked TO you. Holly's mom made me feel that my words, my feelings, my conversations were important. I'm incredibly sad I never got the chance to tell her so.
Holly and I had some serious schemes going at all times. We were good girls... well, on the surface. We were forever doing something on the down-low and many a'boys were kissed by me in the back of Holly's monster car. Her car was like 100 feet long and must have been a gas-guzzler because she charged me $2 every time I got in it, I swear. I wouldn't trade those $2 memories for $200 now.
Holly began dating her now-husband when they were in the 8th grade. Good 'ol teddy bear Bruce -- I cannot believe they are still together after all these years, with 2 kids to boot. That there is some amazing testimony as to what love will bring you through, if you're willing to stick it out and make it work.
Steve, Steve, there was this guy named Steve. Holly was convinced I should make my moves on Steve because as Bruce's good friend, she was stuck with Steve's long-time girlfriend all the time. As far as Holly was concerned, she should be stuck with ME all the time. Our plot didn't work, Steve stayed with his woman but not before kissing me first. hahahahaha! I swear I saw Steve from a distance at Hobby Lobby just last week and whether it was really him or not, I got a real belly laugh out of the memory.
As my head fills with the distant, hilarious memories of being in high school, my brain quickly brings me to my life right now. I have a wonderful husband, 4 great kids who only annoy me on a part-time basis, a beautiful home that will never sell because its too expensive for the housing market right now (something I should be thankful for & stop cursing), and I have been blessed with an incredible circle of friends who love me just as I am; quirks, oddities, wild fascinations and all.
I can only hope that running into Holly and exchanging email addresses will build a bridge to include her in my current circle of friends as these past few weeks of flooding memories made me realize that wow, I've really missed her in my life.
I still can't believe I have a teenager. I still feel like one myself sometimes! Speaking of...
A few weeks ago I ran into a girl I've known since elementary school. We knew each other and lived in the same neighborhood -- she was a grade ahead of me -- but never really became friends until high school when we were on the same pom team. Holly quickly became one of my great friends and we shared some really wonderful times together growing up. I feel like she knew me even before I knew myself.
Sometime in college our lives took different paths, I left town and we lost touch. I went on to have some seriously rocky 20's, grow another 4 inches (Holly didn't, LOL), enter & get out of an abusive marriage, finish college, get remarried, have a tribe of children, make new friends. The distant memories of high school started getting a little fuzzy around the edges.
Running into Holly innocently at Kohl's lit a spark in my head. I was SO happy to see her, so happy to reconnect and still scratch my head over how we let life get in the way and our friendship fall by the wayside. It happens I guess, through no ones fault, it just does.
Since seeing her, my head has been flooded with all these wonderful memories. She told me her mom passed away and I was almost overcome with emotion over a woman I have not seen in like 17 years. Holly's mom listened to you when you spoke. She didn't talk at you nor over you, she talked TO you. Holly's mom made me feel that my words, my feelings, my conversations were important. I'm incredibly sad I never got the chance to tell her so.
Holly and I had some serious schemes going at all times. We were good girls... well, on the surface. We were forever doing something on the down-low and many a'boys were kissed by me in the back of Holly's monster car. Her car was like 100 feet long and must have been a gas-guzzler because she charged me $2 every time I got in it, I swear. I wouldn't trade those $2 memories for $200 now.
Holly began dating her now-husband when they were in the 8th grade. Good 'ol teddy bear Bruce -- I cannot believe they are still together after all these years, with 2 kids to boot. That there is some amazing testimony as to what love will bring you through, if you're willing to stick it out and make it work.
Steve, Steve, there was this guy named Steve. Holly was convinced I should make my moves on Steve because as Bruce's good friend, she was stuck with Steve's long-time girlfriend all the time. As far as Holly was concerned, she should be stuck with ME all the time. Our plot didn't work, Steve stayed with his woman but not before kissing me first. hahahahaha! I swear I saw Steve from a distance at Hobby Lobby just last week and whether it was really him or not, I got a real belly laugh out of the memory.
As my head fills with the distant, hilarious memories of being in high school, my brain quickly brings me to my life right now. I have a wonderful husband, 4 great kids who only annoy me on a part-time basis, a beautiful home that will never sell because its too expensive for the housing market right now (something I should be thankful for & stop cursing), and I have been blessed with an incredible circle of friends who love me just as I am; quirks, oddities, wild fascinations and all.
I can only hope that running into Holly and exchanging email addresses will build a bridge to include her in my current circle of friends as these past few weeks of flooding memories made me realize that wow, I've really missed her in my life.
Holly - far left
I'm 3rd from the left (90's hair & all...)
Our sidekick Christine is 5th from the left.
I'm 3rd from the left (90's hair & all...)
Our sidekick Christine is 5th from the left.
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
20 months of love.
I just realized yesterday that E is now 20 months old. Where is the time going?!?!?!
Some days I just want to cuddle her all day (& do!), other days I'd like to wrap my fingers 'round her incredibly stubborn 'lil neck. Every day I wish her to stay my little baby forever. Time is moving far too fast.
Some days I just want to cuddle her all day (& do!), other days I'd like to wrap my fingers 'round her incredibly stubborn 'lil neck. Every day I wish her to stay my little baby forever. Time is moving far too fast.
Monday, February 4, 2008
one step back, two leaps forward.
Yesterday I indulged in some Culvers with the family. Rather than a big fat yummy cheeseburger, I did opt for a grilled chicken sandwich, no mayo. I did eat french fries though and were they yummy!!! I felt a little guilty about indulging but I know I made better choices than usual so that was something to applaud, enjoy and then just let go of.
I'm feeling back in the groove. Today I did my 1 Month stats for our Biggest Loser competition and this past month I lost 6.8 lbs and 7.5 inches overall. Next month will be even better though I fear some girls in our competition are dropping like flies. Me? I'm going to keep going ... and going... and going! :D
I guess the Superbowl was on last night. My family watched it, minus me. 6 o'clock rolled around and I rolled right into bed. I was asleep for the night not too long after. I didn't even know who was playing, even after the teams were told to me. I hear it was quite the upset and the underdogs won. Good for them!
Today is me & the E's long day. Just her & I until 2:45pm this afternoon. It's 8:30am and I'm planning to let her sleep for up to another hour and then we ARE going to the gym. We'll come home, get some always-overwhelming laundry going, eat lunch and she'll go back down for a nap. Sounds like the makings of a good day. Fingers crossed all goes as planned.
I'm feeling back in the groove. Today I did my 1 Month stats for our Biggest Loser competition and this past month I lost 6.8 lbs and 7.5 inches overall. Next month will be even better though I fear some girls in our competition are dropping like flies. Me? I'm going to keep going ... and going... and going! :D
I guess the Superbowl was on last night. My family watched it, minus me. 6 o'clock rolled around and I rolled right into bed. I was asleep for the night not too long after. I didn't even know who was playing, even after the teams were told to me. I hear it was quite the upset and the underdogs won. Good for them!
Today is me & the E's long day. Just her & I until 2:45pm this afternoon. It's 8:30am and I'm planning to let her sleep for up to another hour and then we ARE going to the gym. We'll come home, get some always-overwhelming laundry going, eat lunch and she'll go back down for a nap. Sounds like the makings of a good day. Fingers crossed all goes as planned.
Saturday, February 2, 2008
snowflakes keep falling on my head.
I love living in Michigan. I mean, I really love it. There's a booming economy, moral & upstanding politicians, and then there's our spectacular weather. We adore our humid summers and weather that changes faster than any meterologist can predict. Don't like the weather this morning? Hey, no problem! We'll have something new blowing through in about 15 minutes. We also love our snow. We're currently sporting about a foot or more of it on the ground and had 2 separate snow days last week. Oh boy, do I love me some snow.
If you go ahead and now read the above paragraph again with just a slight, ok not slight, serious hint of sarcasm, you'll catch my (snow) drift as to how I feel about living in Michigan.
Why do we stay? Family. They are the key reason why we stay firmly planted on Michigan soil. Garth & I were both born & raised here. Like 100% of our families are still here. We'd be the first to break the mold and fly the Michigan coop.
I've tried to get us to relocate to somewhere new. Garth works for a global company so its not our only options would be to transfer to Denver or Seattle something. Heck no! We could relocate to the office in Australia if we wanted to. And boy have I tried, pleaded, plotted, planned to get us there and a few other locations. Unfortunately the trip to Australia would put us in a financial hardship with the cost of living there. So that trip was ruled out, until Garth's company could want or need him there -- then they'd upgrade our finances to fit better. If we go voluntarily, there's no payraise. Just because you want to relocate around the world, no one is willing to give you a raise. I mean really, where's the sense in that? LOL ;)
I can say without a shadow of doubt that if I never saw another snowflake in my entire life, I'd be ok. Yes, the snow is pretty. Yes, it can be peaceful to look at. It's also very cold, wet, heavy, makes for hellish driving and in Michigan, its also frightfully bountiful and seemingly never-ending.
If you go ahead and now read the above paragraph again with just a slight, ok not slight, serious hint of sarcasm, you'll catch my (snow) drift as to how I feel about living in Michigan.
Why do we stay? Family. They are the key reason why we stay firmly planted on Michigan soil. Garth & I were both born & raised here. Like 100% of our families are still here. We'd be the first to break the mold and fly the Michigan coop.
I've tried to get us to relocate to somewhere new. Garth works for a global company so its not our only options would be to transfer to Denver or Seattle something. Heck no! We could relocate to the office in Australia if we wanted to. And boy have I tried, pleaded, plotted, planned to get us there and a few other locations. Unfortunately the trip to Australia would put us in a financial hardship with the cost of living there. So that trip was ruled out, until Garth's company could want or need him there -- then they'd upgrade our finances to fit better. If we go voluntarily, there's no payraise. Just because you want to relocate around the world, no one is willing to give you a raise. I mean really, where's the sense in that? LOL ;)
I can say without a shadow of doubt that if I never saw another snowflake in my entire life, I'd be ok. Yes, the snow is pretty. Yes, it can be peaceful to look at. It's also very cold, wet, heavy, makes for hellish driving and in Michigan, its also frightfully bountiful and seemingly never-ending.
Friday, February 1, 2008
Slow, Slow, Slow...and Steady.
Slow and steady wins the race. Or so I hear. In my ears I still hear a quiet whispering of, "pizza, pizza, pizza" though I wish the voices in my head would shut the hell up.
We're officially one month in with my group of girlfriends' Biggest Loser competition. I've still got a serious long way to go but I will shyly admit that maybe I do see the slowest evolution of some possible abs in that One Month pic.
Though I've had a bad week, my motivation has been down, my exercise was way down and even my food choices could have been better, I'm still 110% commited to rediscovering that skinny, healthy, happy girl still inside me once and for all. I know she's still in there. She's on the cusp, I can almost feel her reemerging.
I'm submitting yet another "I CANNOT BELIEVE I'M POSTING THIS" picture.
We're officially one month in with my group of girlfriends' Biggest Loser competition. I've still got a serious long way to go but I will shyly admit that maybe I do see the slowest evolution of some possible abs in that One Month pic.
So far I've strained a knee and a shoulder but I keep pushing forward. I've learned new exercises, worked my butt off on my own & with a personal trainer, discovered muscles I'd long given up on, learned about proper portions, vitamins, minerals, supplements... I've learned about letting go and living, and that "living life" doesn't have to always include stuffing my face until I can barely breathe or to band-aid some emotional issue. But also part of living life vs. constantly dieting is to be able to indulge once in awhile without completely coming unglued later with guilt. Being consciously aware of my intake of calories has also sparked a realization in myself that I didn't really expect; I drink far less alcohol, and I kind of like it that way.
I gave up on myself about 4 years ago; a failed business venture, broken trust & friendships, the stress over it all just created a situation where I threw up my hands emotionally and said "I quit". What I didn't quit was eating. I ate to fill the void and boy, do I love food. It took more than a month to get where I was 2 months ago emotionally & weight-wise and I'm positive its going to take far more than a month to rediscover that I truly do still rock da casbah, am a better person because of my failures -- because it means I tried. I stayed true to myself. I never lowered my standards of integrity. For that, I feel very, very successful.
Though I've had a bad week, my motivation has been down, my exercise was way down and even my food choices could have been better, I'm still 110% commited to rediscovering that skinny, healthy, happy girl still inside me once and for all. I know she's still in there. She's on the cusp, I can almost feel her reemerging.
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