speak fast.

today my heart isn't racing.
i'm eating more lately, puking less.
most nights i'm sleeping better.
little by little, my brain feels more small tidbits of peace.

this all may change in an instant so i wanted to update my blog with something at least remotely positive so my dad can stop worrying so much about me. thank you for worrying mom & dad but really i'm ok. i swear. most days at least.

thank you to those who continue to support me, reach out to me and remind me that you're there in spirit, in person, even in humorous & sincere texts messages. keep 'em coming, i just upgraded my text package. ;)

at this moment in time...

i feel at peace that good will prevail.

i feel at peace that things will work out for the best, whatever that means & however that works.

i feel at peace that my kids will be fine.

i feel at peace that garth will be fine.

i feel at peace that i will be fine.

i feel at peace that i will finish school, clawing my way through every term until the very end, but that i will see it through to the end. i need this, i deserve this, i can no longer sell myself short in life because of self-doubt.

i feel at peace that i have awesome friends, new & old, who support me, laugh with me, slap me with doses of reality and i even have one who cries with me. she's been my rock. God sent her, i just know it and I thank Him for her. another friend said something last weekend that made me laugh. i didn't tell him but it was the first time i felt genuine laughter in quite a few months. i needed that.

i feel at peace that at this very moment in time, i feel peace.

i speak fast because at a moments notice, sometimes for no obvious rhyme or reason at all, everything turns on its head again.