stretching my wings, flying down a new path.

The past 2 months has been one of the worst 2 month spans of my life. I won't be saying on the flip side its also been one of the best... but in retrospect, I've done more soul-searching thinking in the past 2 months than I probably ever have in my entire adult life -- so not everything about it has been completely negative.

I've been actively & consciously gnawing away at the chip on my shoulder, the one that only I can fix.

There's yet again more changes going on in our family and in its dynamics. Garth & I thought we'd try one avenue to see where it took us and abruptly we both hit a detour, or rather a cement wall and we didn't like where that road was heading... we agreed Friday to change course once again. This path feels more positive, more honest and if its going to work, its going to be by taking this more respectful to ourselves & each other road. No doubt, its an uphill avenue. I'll take an uphill battle over a downward spiral any day.

To my praying friends & family, please pray for us. All 6 of us could all really use it right now and in the months to come (thanks).

In other updates: I've gotten a new job at a funeral home but haven't yet started. We are home from an 11 day trip to Myrtle Beach, SC where 23 of our friends & family all stayed in one huge beach house. I needed that vacation of nothingness & took quite a bit of time to myself to sleep, walk on the beach and think think think. B's lacrosse season is in full swing as is J's soccer season. Between practice & games, those 2 sports have us running in every direction almost every day of the week it seems.

School. The 2nd biggest curve in the road right now. I'm applying to Mortuary School, a 1 year accelerated program. The hitch? Its 4 hours away, in another state. What? How can a mother of 4 leave her babies and move to another state for a year? Well, not everyone can. I'm not 100% sold on my ability to do it but I know I have to. I'm not doing this to my kids, I'm doing this for my kids. The program runs 4 days a week M-TH and I will drive home most weekends TH-SU. Men travel for business all the time -- no one questions their parenting nor motive nor lack of concern for their children - they're just doing what they need to do. This is really what I need to do too.

I already realize & am semi-prepared for not having full support from everyone around me regarding this decision. I expect some backlash but it still doesn't mean it won't hurt. I do, however, have 100% backing from those I critically need it from to make this work -- that's going to have to prove enough I suppose. This is a positive thing, a step in the right direction of so many wonderful opportunities for me, my kids, our family, our future.

Now let's just see if I actually get accepted. Wish me luck if you feel so inclined (again thanks).