already in full Christmas swing.

BirthMONTH, Day 13:

My Christmas cards are already underway. I'm actually almost done. I love that I've got a Christmas budget already planned, Christmas gift ideas written down and 90% of my list is pretty much covered as to what gifts will be purchased. No hunting around, sweating to find something that's "perfect" or at least will pass off as "perfect enough" this year. We are cutting way back financially and have asked others in our life to please do so as well. Happily most were happy to oblige this request. I'd LOVE to de-stress the holiday season for me - usually the entire month of December is spent in a mini-panic attack mode. Not this year. I'm determined.

Most of those who read my blog will receive the above picture in your Christmas card -pretend you never saw it here first, ok? I'm including some outtakes and it will be pretty easy to see who was not in a cooperative mood that bright & sunny Sunday afternoon.


(a close-up of Ms. Cooperative, blotchy tantrum face & all...)

mmm mmm good.

BirthMONTH, Day 12:

Let the festivities begin.

This morning my weight was at the absolute highest 'acceptable' number. Ugh, right before birthWEEK. BirthWEEK entails a lot of eating out. A bittersweet double edged sword for sure.

Tonight I'm having dinner with a friend. We don't see each other nearly enough and I'm very much looking forward to seeing her.

Tomorrow is my birthday dinner with Garth, my kids, my dad & step mom, my sister & her husband and 1 of my nieces. Mmm, Japanese hibachi & sushi, here I come.

Friday I'm getting my obligatory birthday haircut & color so I'll look extra rockin' while officially ringing in my 35th year.

Saturday is my actual birthday. More food, friends & family and some alcohol thrown in for good measure.

Sunday, no doubt, I'll need a NAP.

**********************************

Goals for the upcoming year:
No weight gain.
Go to the gym semi-regularly.
Paint & decorate this house, finally.
Maintain healthy relationships & friendships.
Grow new ones too.
Enjoy life.
Be happy.

i really suck at this.

BirthMONTH, Day 11:

Home decorating. I'm not very good at it. No, not very good doesn't even begin to describe it. I suck at it. My sisters house, as well as most of my girlfriends, are all decorated and coordinating and so pulled together looking. I do not have this knack. I very much wish I had this knack.

I'm determined my next home project is our bedroom. It's never been 'decorated'. We put our furniture in here when we moved in, Garth hung a painting above the bed that he & his former wife once shared and viola, the room was called good.

Well now Everly has ripped the name plate off the painting and it looks ghetto as hell. We no longer have a matching headboard/foot board to go with our 2 dressers & nightstand as we switched out our queen bed for a rocking king size memory foam one a few years ago. The dressers are covered with clutter, my outgrown clothing is stacked in a pile in the corner. Did I say our bedroom looks bad?! It's embarrasing.

I was all set mentally to do a total room makeover until I started shopping online. I found bedding I like but can't find anything to pull it together with wall decor. I desperately want some things on these walls, preferably at least 2. I found something I really like for above the bed but I think at 38 inches square its probably too small and I'm not even sure if it goes with the bedding at all anyway. With a king size bed and no headboard, something substantial has to reside there. And then I'm faced with wanting at least one more wall piece and how do you coordinate it all? I'm tired of the hodge podge look.


The bedding I found that I really like is different. I ordinarily would say its "not me" but for some reason I really like it. A review at the website said that it is not shiny fabric as appears in the picture, and that made me like it even more.


I think I want to paint the walls a shade of brown, but lighter than the brown in the bedding. Painting them blue might be a bit too much.

Oh I suck at this SO much. :sigh: Help? Anyone? Please?

like a plague, it's coming.

BirthMONTH, Day 9:
Garth just informed me that in a week my birthday will be over.

What I heard was that in less than a week I'll be 35.

Nooooooooooooooooo.

I distinctly remember feeling melancholy when I turned 25. I was excited to finally be in my mid-20's, perhaps to be taken a little more seriously by people older than myself but dang, I was turning 25. That year didn't prove to be too shabby however - I met Garth when I was 25.

I recall anticipating my 30th birthday as it loomed near. I really didn't want to turn 30 even though I had a husband already in his mid-30's and life for him didn't seem too terribly dismal.

Now standing on the edge of turning 35, I look onward with a sense of confidence mixed with dread. I don't want to get old. More accurately, I don't want to look old. I see the telltale signs that I'm getting older. In the past year I've developed some age spots on my face (that I want taken care of), the 2 concentrated thought/frown lines in my forehead are getting deeper (I'd like to have them taken care of too) and a newly discovered wrinkle near my mouth scares me (yes, I'd like to have that taken care of as well). My hands are looking aged, my skin is not as taunt (minus what my fabulous plastic surgeon helped me out with earlier this year) and my arms have somehow managed to grow bat wings. I suspect I have a few anti-aging procedures in my future as I'm not going to take this aging thing sitting down. I protest!

On the flip side, turning 35 has brought me some positives as well. I know who I am (for the most part - I'm a work in progress), I have self confidence almost to the roof (not quite through it but I'm getting there) and I firmly know what I believe & what I don't. I have values that are no longer simple mirror reflections of my parents. I've grown & maintained 4 living human beings who are so far decent, caring individuals and have somehow managed to stay married to the same person for 8+ years now. I'm far from perfect but that's not too bad.

This morning I googled "life after 35" as I sipped my coffee, still praying these wonderful breasteses stay large & beautiful, and was hoping to find some encouragement. While I did find that my sex life is supposed to suddenly skyrocket, my chance of stroke is going to go up next week and if I choose to have another baby, I'm suddenly considered a higher risk with my 'advanced maternal age'. Good thing I'm done having babies. Whew.

According to world life expectancy research, I'm already more than half way through my life. But by living in the good 'ol US of A, I'm supposed to live a bit longer so I'm only nearing the half way point, barring any early catastrophe. Either way you look at it, I'm about half dead. Half way to the earth friendly EcoPod casket and larger-than-life monumental headstone I desire (I'm serious about both those things, by the way).

Time just keeps marching on whether I choose to embrace it or protest so bring on 35. Damn it.

mehh.

BirthMONTH, Day 7:

Mehh. That's how I feel today, mehhh.

I feel like I've been riding a stress high, too much going on at once and then like a car hitting a brick wall, it just all comes to a screeching halt.

My head has been bothering me for more than a week now. I suffer from tension headaches, always have and this doozy I've been sporting for days upon days is really starting to get to me. It's exhausting to have your head pound with each step, your eyes feel so sensitive and for everyday noises to feel incredibly amplified. My neck is in knots, my shoulders are tight and I just feel tense all over, physically and emotionally.

Last night I was given the gift of some random 2am booty call on my answering machine. I awoke from a great dream with such a start, hearing some strange man’s voice calling out in the night as we obviously keep our answering machine volume on far too high. Freaked me right out. Assumed it had to be a wrong number, rolled over and went back to sleep. This morning I played back the message and heard this person use my first name in the message. So Todd, or whoever you really are, I don't know your name nor your voice, we never got it on the first time so please don't call back asking for yet another night of fun. Gross. The number was a blocked call on my caller ID so obviously this person didn't want to give me, or my husband, the ability to call them back. If it was some sort of prank to make my skin crawl, it worked. It didn't freak me out in any guilty sort of way (I know I'm flirty & flamboyant in nature but come on now...), it freaked me out in a "who are you, why are you calling me & how do you know my name & number" sort of way. Yuck.

I feel like I've been fighting a battle against 'the funk' lately -- the same funk that plagued me all summer. It's a slow simmer right now and I dread that rolling boil I fought so hard to get rid of a few months ago. I know when its beginning to rear its ugly head because I start to feel withdrawn, left out and alone. How in a chaotic ever-motion-filled family of 6 I could ever feel lonely is beyond me, but it feels very real. Rationally I know I'm not alone, I know I'm very blessed. Too blessed to be stressed? As I told someone else this very week, sometimes you can just feel too stressed to feel blessed. Mehh.

I need a more organized house. I need a more organized life. I need some down time. I need a weekend away. I want our house finally painted and living room furniture replaced. I want off this roller coaster of mood swings.

BirthMONTH so far has been a charm. Meh.

Halloween 2008

BirthMONTH, Day 6:

I'm going to slip these Halloween pictures in before anything much more exciting happens this week. If my birthMONTH thus far is any indication, something big is bound to happen any minute.

Oh Yes We Can!! And Did!!

BirthMONTH, Days 4 & 5:

And I’m proud to be an American,
where at least I know I’m free.
And I wont forget the men who died,
who gave that right to me.
And I gladly stand up, next to you
and defend her still today.
‘Cause there ain’t no doubt I love this land,
God bless the USA.

I am even more proud to be an American today. I am incredibly proud to live through this exciting historic moment where millions of people who have felt oppressed for so long can be proud of the country they live in. I am proud that freedom truly does ring.

The following was sent via a Facebook friend this morning. I feel sorrow for those who somehow find dignity in reciting small snippets of the bible, attempting to redeem themselves by casting out-of-context stones at those who don't agree with them:

18: When that day comes, you will cry out for relief from the king you have chosen, and the Lord will not answer you in that day.

Make no mistake, I don't think Barack Obama is God. He's not MY God, that's for sure. I only praise ONE King. I praise MY God for showing his mercy on this country, a country that needs to open its eyes to the hate, judgement & fear we feel toward one another here on our very own soil. Also make no mistake that I believe God makes no mistakes. Not in people and not in elections. He was very much with me when I cast my ballot & my free will never once battled with my religious convictions. Not even when I voted YES for Proposal 2.

I'm all for scripture. I love and pray to an almighty, loving God. I know where my future lies without a shadow of a doubt. I anxiously await the day I can praise Him right at his very feet. However, I stop short of bible recitation that is selectively picked apart & used for the absolute polar opposite of what it was intended for. MY bible wasn't written to shame others. MY bible wasn't written to be used as a shield for ignorance, judgment or narrow minded hatred that some alleged Christians spew. MY God doesn't hate or exclude any of the children He created. Not even the liberal minded or ::gasp:: gay ones.

Truthfully & candidly, I'm really only concerned with my own spiritual journey & path anyway (ok & that of my children)... and for those who put so much effort in looking down your nose at others, feeling somehow you're above them either by economic status or alleged religious belief (don't be a sheep, don't just read email fwd's and assume they're true, don't believe everything a PERSON says to you because they stand in the front of a church -- they are simply sinning people too, not God), I say take the time to lift YOURSELF back up. That hate and ignorance is holding you down.

Do I think all Republicans are hateful, judgemental people who only spew ignorance? By far, no way! I love and respect many, many people who also just happen to be Republicans. I don't vote straight ticket either...why? Because that would be ignorant. Do I think a lot of people are quick to vote a certain way because the minister of their church, just a person like you & me, thinly veils messages that voting Republican is the Christian thing to do and will somehow make you more Christian? OH YES I DO!!!! It happens in the very church I attend, I've witnessed it with my own eyes, the sheeple nodding their heads in agreement. It was said by my pastor, it must be so. NO!

Trust in God; you can be a Liberal Christian. I know I'm going to heaven to spend my eternity with the one & only Jesus when my time has come, and if you'll meet me there, we can discuss this then, ok?

God Bless Barack Obama.

And oh yes, God Bless John McCain.

Far more importantly, God Bless America.

I feel hopeful. Very, very hopeful. And that feels wonderful.

when it rains, it pours.

BirthMONTH, Day 3:

Take Brenden (14) to the dr. for something that's been bothering him. It'd been a few days, it hadn't improved so in we went just to make sure everything was indeed ok.

A quick examination, a consult with a specialist on the phone and we were whisked off to the ER. That's right, the same one I spent the day in yesterday with my husband. I was almost waiting for the Candid Cameras to appear.

So, great. I let my kid complain about something for nearly a week and 2 doctors have now sprung him to the emergency room over it. Somebody pass the Mother-of-the-Year award to me. The dr. tried to assure me that I couldn't have known but it still doesn't stop me from feeling terribly guilty. That's what we moms do, feel terribly guilty.

I was asked by The Boy not to blog about the actual nature of the problem as its quite personal and it involves a 14 year old boy. Everything is personal to a 14 year old boy. I will leave it that we are praising God that his health is intact.

I did take some pictures of him in his hospital gown on his cell phone but I'm not sure how to upload pics from our phones to my computer so today's blog entry will not only not include pictures of Brenden, it won't be containing Halloween pictures as well. I'm hoping things calm down around here enough that I'll be able to post our Halloween pictures in a blog entry of their very own soon.

Apparently that wasn't enough excitement for one day. I got a call from the principal of Jack's school to inform me that while he was now fine, he'd had the Heimlich maneuver performed on him at lunch by an aide. He was choking, couldn't breathe, had his hands around his neck (the universal choking sign, ya know) so the aide swept right in and helped him out. I asked him if he was scared and he said no. He said he couldn't breathe and she helped him. Everyone was frightened but Jack. And that was that. If only life could always be so simple.

BirthMONTH sure is bringing us a LOT of unfrickinbelievable excitement thus far and none of its been very fun. Hopefully the upcoming weeks will either be calm & serene or filled with GOOD excitement. I'd happily take a little mix of both.

Feel free to praise God today for our family's health - nothing is life threatening though nothing has been very pain-free these past few days for 2 of my favorite guys either.

And don't you forget to get out there and BARACK THAT VOTE today!! I already did & it felt great. Garth & I high 5'ed when we were done.

weekend overload. oh my.

BirthMONTH, Day 2:

What a busy, exciting few days its been.

I had a headache for 3 days prior to Halloween. It would not let up. I mean, it was really bad, nauseatingly bad, but its not like I was going to miss Halloween or anything. Let's get real now. Not much short of death stops me from celebrating Halloween, St. Patrick's Day or my beloved birthday.

I woke up the morning after Halloween (yesterday) and had no voice. My headache was about 90% better, but my voice? It's gone. Raspy, scratchy &/or virtually non-existent, depending on the moment.

Yesterday I was also treated to an experience where I saw my future flashing before my eyes and I didn't like the future I was seeing. I found myself pulled over, in the middle of countryside nowhere land, miles from home with my husband lying on the side of the road. Apparently he could no longer drive and had to get out of the car to lie down. Was he having a heart attack? What was going on? I didn't know other than he was suddenly writhing in pain ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE and was in so much pain he could barely speak, not even to tell me what was going on.

Could I get him to the ER? No, he didn't want to go. Not that I would have known where it was anyway. Should I go against his wishes & call 911? After at least 10 minutes I told him I was going to if he didn't/couldn't get back in the car.

He wanted to go home. We turned around from the no-doubt-what-would-have-been-a-great-birthday-party-for-a-friend and headed home. Shoot, I'll miss a good party after that flash of is-my-husband-dying-before-my-very-eyes? moment I just endured.

At home, it happened again. Could I get my husband to agree to go to the hospital? That's a no. One of my kids would have gotten shipped straight off to a hospital, via an ambulance most likely. How do you do that when the person is a capable, argumentative grown up who simply refuses?

This morning, an episode of inconsolable pain happened again. This time the episode of searing pain lasted an hour, was scaring our kids, and admittedly scaring me too. After consulting with my RN mother on how to get a grown man to the hospital against his will, I told him sternly to get his shoes on, get in the car, we were going. period. don't argue.

A day in the ER, tests run, too many people consulted (each one will result in a bill ya know), we wondered aloud if they'd also send the results to an oncologist, orthodontist or maybe even a vet for good measure as that's how it felt after my stint in the ER this past May.

My husband officially has a 6.5mm kidney stone, the size of a marble, lodged between his kidney & bladder. The nurse walked in our room and mouthed the words to me, "its HUGE". Since she hadn't seen his penis, I assumed she must mean the kidney stone. Eeek.


After getting a good dose of morphine things settled down. A urologist says Garth needs to be seen tomorrow. There's a nice little procedure in the near future to extract this unwanted rock from my husbands body should it not remove itself from his body first. Based on its size though, its not terribly likely. The look on Garth's face when he realized where the doctor was going to pull this unloved marble from was almost an early Christmas gift. Hey, I gave birth to our children.... enough said.

I feel for the guy, I really do. It doesn't sound fun. We were told kidney stones the size of a grain of sand will cause terrible pain. My husband apparently has been hoarding this little beauty for some time. And now its stuck. And must come out. Oh fun.

So far birthMONTH has started off with a bang. As long as Garth's still with me at the end of it, that's honestly all I care about. Proper perspective, I got it now. I joked that we need to schedule an ER visit for one of us every couple of months as its the only time we're in the same room, sans children, forced to talk to & entertain each other. As long as it continues to be non-life threatening situations, I'm all for it. The stress I felt last night as Garth laid on the side of an unfamiliar country road? No thanks, I'm gonna pass.

My voice, or lack thereof, had me asked repeatedly if it was I who actually needed the doctor. I assured them all I was fine and was playfully accused by Garth of attempting to steal his thunder. Keep your thunder, stone boy, I don't want it. This one's all yours, babe.

Thanks to my mom for insisting we go & aiding in giving me the voice I needed to get Garth to hear me, my sister who served as babysitter back up on standby, our teenager who cares for & calms his siblings and to my Anisa who helped today run flawlessly despite our unplanned absence. I'm incredibly grateful knowing we have people in our lives who will drop everything at a moments notice when a helping hand is needed, a blessing indeed.

Halloween pictures will have to wait until tomorrow. It just didn't seem right to intermix them with today's source of entertainment.

drumroll please....

My BirthMONTH is here!!

Time to celebrate!