the list.

My (currently tentative) home-away-from-home at school is furnished. But man, there is still so much to buy! To avoid basically packing all necessities each weekend before venturing back home to my-real-home, I am duplicating things I have here so they can just stay there.

I began a list this week and daily I find myself adding to it. Something simple usually, something I totally take for granted on a daily basis but without it, I'd be rather frustrated... say, eye makeup remover. my blow brush. my i'd-have-horrible-hair-without-it Bed Head hairspray. laundry detergent, dish detergent and a hair brush. extra hangers, paper towels, dish towels and face wash. The more I think about it, the more I add to 'the list'. Never mind the fact that I won't even have condiments in my refrigerator when I get there. I cannot live without condiments. or coffee. or so many other things I simply take for total granted living here in a well established household.

B bought me a New Moon box for Christmas. Think small treasure chest type box. "So you can put your makeup in it at school". That boy loves me! Mmmm, Edward staring at me as I pretty myself each morning. An awesome, great gift all around. It's set aside, ready to go to school with me. It's the only thing that's ready to go because I, most certainly, am not.

nerves of butter.

It's official. I'm beginning to freak out.
Mortuary school starts in 7 weeks.
I'm doubting myself, my ability, my decision.

Overwhelming guilt has settled into my gut.
Was there ever really going to be a good time to do this?
Perhaps pre-kids is the answer.
Like a family of 4 fitting in a booth, that really isn't an option anymore.

Anxiety, a feeling I know all too well, is creeping in and taking over any excitement I once felt.

I'm scared.

like a fish.

Yesterday, Evie's daycare was closed. She & I decided we'd do something fun since everyone else was back at school or work. "We're going fimming!", she excitedly told her brothers and daddy.

During the workday the kids pool at our gym is closed. The other 3 pools consist of 2 lap pools and a small pool for water aerobic classes. Laps it is, kid, we're swimming laps.

We chose our lane and jumped in. Brrrr. Evie chose a purple kick board and I wondered how long she'd truly last. I was pleasantly surprised that Ms. Thang lasted about 20 laps!! She kicked right along with me and never once wanted to quit. Her lips were blue, her teeth chattered but "one more lap!" she just kept saying.

I may have swam significantly slower than normal but I laughed and had a lot of fun with Evie. I wouldn't trade these moments for thin thighs any day.

Waving the white flag.

Rotavirus, don't play that game.
Especially when it hits all 6 of you at once.
Unimaginable misery.

new year, new experiences.

Today I went on my first crematory run... and my second too! Two trips to the crematory in one day.


I learned a lot -- most was as I expected but actually witnessing it in person was important to me. I was shown step-by-step what happens, where, how, etc. It was interesting! I even learned a few things I never would have thought to ask about had I not been right there with the machinery and tools. I can say, without a shadow of doubt, the facility we use locally is super clean and operated with utmost dignity and respect toward the client. I'm sure people wonder and now I can tell them firsthand with certainty.

I love my job. I love how fascinating it is. I'm not exaggerating, I learn something new every time I work. I also hear some crazy stories one could never make up on their own - each story crazier than the next it seems!

I have truly found my passion.

Auld Lang Syne.

Goodbye 2009.
You've been a roller coaster,
a whirlwind.
I'm thrilled you're over.
Onward and upward.
In an awesome direction this time.

a letter to my editors -

Dear Garth, Mom & Dad,

I somehow just managed to 4.0 another semester of college. I now have a 3.73 GPA. It hasn't always been that way, college grades have never come easy for me -- it takes a lot of 4.0's to raise oneself from a completely unfocused 1.9 GPA. Sometimes it was just plain impossible to envision there would ever actually be a finish line.

Thank you for believing in me, always encouraging me to never give up on my goals & dreams. I couldn't do any of this without all of you in my corner.
Love,
Marissa

Proverbs 3:5,6 - Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.

impatiently patient.

Like the old 'open, open, open' tapping on the glass Mervyn's commercial, I am ever-so-patiently waiting for my semester grades to be posted.

I'm pretty sure the update button must be broken or sumpin' on the website.

I don't know who's more excited about this term's grades - me or my dad.

Fall term '09 is officially

OVER.

I actually, surprisingly, feel some sense of letdown.
What the hell am I going to do with myself now?!

Yes Garth, laundry & cleaning & all the other things that have fallen by the wayside thanks to school. Yes yes, I know honey.