we better tap into this.

Our Wilson is kind of a spaz. He just is, there's no other way to say it really. He has the personality of a rambling non-stop comedian, sometimes even with a British accent, but is also one who can be naughty, naughty, naughty and frighteningly impulsive. He's not an angry kid who's mean to others, he just wants to make people laugh... but often at inappropriate times.

We put Wilson in sports because that's what you do with kids his age. We want him to burn off some of his excessive energy and have fun doing it, but he's never really enjoyed any sport we've involved him in. He prefers to take drawing classes, painting classes, pottery classes instead. He really wants to take a yoga class too. Where he came up with the idea is beyond me but I'm all for it. Unfortunately, I've yet to find a kids yoga class locally but I'm constantly on the hunt! You want yoga, my boy, I will find you yoga.

I accompanied Wilson's class on a field trip today to an art museum. He knew there was no running, no yelling, no touching rules in place. I thought this would definitely prove a challenge.

I saw a different Wilson today.

Let's let the pictures speak for themselves:

He barely spoke the hour & a half we were there. He voluntarily had his hands in his pockets the entire time, almost instinctively reminding himself he's prone to reaching out and touching things, and this time he really shouldn't. Staring intently at the artwork, often cocking his head to the side, taking it all in as the docent spoke. Never once did he even remotely goof off with his friends. He even quietly asked a little boy to back up when he got too close, almost touching a sculpture. I truly saw a calm, engaged, completely tuned in side of this child I've yet to ever see before. ever.

On the bus ride back to school I told him how very proud I was of him and his behavior. I gushed over how respectful he was to the artwork and to the docent. He smiled sheepishly and asked if we could please go back sometime soon so he can look at each piece, without having to rush or be interrupted by other kids talking. Woah.

I'm on it.

s-l-ooooo-w.

work has been slow.
packing for school, slow.

going to the gym,
a few days a week.
laundering,
often.

trying to keep the house 2 steps ahead of being an episode of 'hoarders'.

i have been shopping.
for me. for the kids. for school.
planning ahead.

i've been to the doctor, the dentist & optometrist.
my required immunizations are up-to-date.
my teeth remain cavity-free & once again sparkle.
getting new contacts for these aging eyeballs.
i'm ready to roll.

it's been blah slow around here.
i'm not complaining really.
but its the 'quiet before the storm' feeling.
it makes me restless and uneasy.

5 more weeks 'til school...
january sure is a slow month.

Ohhhh yeahhhh.

I observed my 1st autopsy today.

I've been waiting months to have the Dr. come in when I wasn't already there working. Not only did I get to watch the entire procedure, having each step explained in great detail to me, but a call came in during the process that another body would be delivered shortly.

I observed my 2nd autopsy today.

I was in awe, mesmerized by the reality of all that I was experiencing. I never once felt queasy or questioned what I was doing there, or why. I was meant to be there. I felt totally at ease.

But...
The smell.

Oh, the smell. A truly indescribable smell. An I-need-to-be-anywhere-but-here smell. If I wasn't so completely captivated & engaged in what I was doing and witnessing, I'd have run from the room. I've yet to ever, in my life, smell anything that bad. Some of our embalming fluids smell bad but they have nothing, and I mean nothing, on the smell of the opened gut of a deceased person.

Today was awesomely cool.
But it stunk.
Badly.

the list.

My (currently tentative) home-away-from-home at school is furnished. But man, there is still so much to buy! To avoid basically packing all necessities each weekend before venturing back home to my-real-home, I am duplicating things I have here so they can just stay there.

I began a list this week and daily I find myself adding to it. Something simple usually, something I totally take for granted on a daily basis but without it, I'd be rather frustrated... say, eye makeup remover. my blow brush. my i'd-have-horrible-hair-without-it Bed Head hairspray. laundry detergent, dish detergent and a hair brush. extra hangers, paper towels, dish towels and face wash. The more I think about it, the more I add to 'the list'. Never mind the fact that I won't even have condiments in my refrigerator when I get there. I cannot live without condiments. or coffee. or so many other things I simply take for total granted living here in a well established household.

B bought me a New Moon box for Christmas. Think small treasure chest type box. "So you can put your makeup in it at school". That boy loves me! Mmmm, Edward staring at me as I pretty myself each morning. An awesome, great gift all around. It's set aside, ready to go to school with me. It's the only thing that's ready to go because I, most certainly, am not.

nerves of butter.

It's official. I'm beginning to freak out.
Mortuary school starts in 7 weeks.
I'm doubting myself, my ability, my decision.

Overwhelming guilt has settled into my gut.
Was there ever really going to be a good time to do this?
Perhaps pre-kids is the answer.
Like a family of 4 fitting in a booth, that really isn't an option anymore.

Anxiety, a feeling I know all too well, is creeping in and taking over any excitement I once felt.

I'm scared.

like a fish.

Yesterday, Evie's daycare was closed. She & I decided we'd do something fun since everyone else was back at school or work. "We're going fimming!", she excitedly told her brothers and daddy.

During the workday the kids pool at our gym is closed. The other 3 pools consist of 2 lap pools and a small pool for water aerobic classes. Laps it is, kid, we're swimming laps.

We chose our lane and jumped in. Brrrr. Evie chose a purple kick board and I wondered how long she'd truly last. I was pleasantly surprised that Ms. Thang lasted about 20 laps!! She kicked right along with me and never once wanted to quit. Her lips were blue, her teeth chattered but "one more lap!" she just kept saying.

I may have swam significantly slower than normal but I laughed and had a lot of fun with Evie. I wouldn't trade these moments for thin thighs any day.

Waving the white flag.

Rotavirus, don't play that game.
Especially when it hits all 6 of you at once.
Unimaginable misery.

new year, new experiences.

Today I went on my first crematory run... and my second too! Two trips to the crematory in one day.


I learned a lot -- most was as I expected but actually witnessing it in person was important to me. I was shown step-by-step what happens, where, how, etc. It was interesting! I even learned a few things I never would have thought to ask about had I not been right there with the machinery and tools. I can say, without a shadow of doubt, the facility we use locally is super clean and operated with utmost dignity and respect toward the client. I'm sure people wonder and now I can tell them firsthand with certainty.

I love my job. I love how fascinating it is. I'm not exaggerating, I learn something new every time I work. I also hear some crazy stories one could never make up on their own - each story crazier than the next it seems!

I have truly found my passion.

Auld Lang Syne.

Goodbye 2009.
You've been a roller coaster,
a whirlwind.
I'm thrilled you're over.
Onward and upward.
In an awesome direction this time.