mehh.

BirthMONTH, Day 7:

Mehh. That's how I feel today, mehhh.

I feel like I've been riding a stress high, too much going on at once and then like a car hitting a brick wall, it just all comes to a screeching halt.

My head has been bothering me for more than a week now. I suffer from tension headaches, always have and this doozy I've been sporting for days upon days is really starting to get to me. It's exhausting to have your head pound with each step, your eyes feel so sensitive and for everyday noises to feel incredibly amplified. My neck is in knots, my shoulders are tight and I just feel tense all over, physically and emotionally.

Last night I was given the gift of some random 2am booty call on my answering machine. I awoke from a great dream with such a start, hearing some strange man’s voice calling out in the night as we obviously keep our answering machine volume on far too high. Freaked me right out. Assumed it had to be a wrong number, rolled over and went back to sleep. This morning I played back the message and heard this person use my first name in the message. So Todd, or whoever you really are, I don't know your name nor your voice, we never got it on the first time so please don't call back asking for yet another night of fun. Gross. The number was a blocked call on my caller ID so obviously this person didn't want to give me, or my husband, the ability to call them back. If it was some sort of prank to make my skin crawl, it worked. It didn't freak me out in any guilty sort of way (I know I'm flirty & flamboyant in nature but come on now...), it freaked me out in a "who are you, why are you calling me & how do you know my name & number" sort of way. Yuck.

I feel like I've been fighting a battle against 'the funk' lately -- the same funk that plagued me all summer. It's a slow simmer right now and I dread that rolling boil I fought so hard to get rid of a few months ago. I know when its beginning to rear its ugly head because I start to feel withdrawn, left out and alone. How in a chaotic ever-motion-filled family of 6 I could ever feel lonely is beyond me, but it feels very real. Rationally I know I'm not alone, I know I'm very blessed. Too blessed to be stressed? As I told someone else this very week, sometimes you can just feel too stressed to feel blessed. Mehh.

I need a more organized house. I need a more organized life. I need some down time. I need a weekend away. I want our house finally painted and living room furniture replaced. I want off this roller coaster of mood swings.

BirthMONTH so far has been a charm. Meh.