I can't remember where I originally heard that quote but lately I think of it often and find myself clinging to those words.
The house is being painted. It's truly beautiful. I don't know what took us so long to do this. New furniture is on the horizon for our living room & bedroom. For-now living arrangements are being established.
Tensions are high, hope feels low. The next day, that all flip-flops. Such is my life right now I suppose, I might as well get used to it.
Roller coaster ride? Ticket for 1 please.
Who am I kidding? I know its 6 tickets, 1 for each of us, and it truly & utterly fucking sucks. It's quietly in the night destroying me that I can't do anything much to stop it for them. I feel so completely pinned against a wall with conflict and I know Garth does too.
I've been running. It's been helping. A lot. 3-5 miles of sprints really work well as a mind eraser. I'm happy I've found something that temporarily helps, and is healthy too. My weight right now is fantastic. I'll happily take another 10-15 lbs off this frame but I don't hope to do it as quickly as the most recent 10 just came off.
A handful of people have been rocks for me. Knowing they are there, rooting me on in spirit (or continuously supportive texts, which i love), thinking of or praying for me, others right here in person physically holding my hand when I need it... I'm in complete awe of my surroundings - it's not the people even just a year ago I would have expected to be there. Now? I wouldn't have it any other way. THESE are the people my heart defines as friends. I know God strategically and purposefully placed them right here, right now, all for a purpose. Grateful doesn't even begin to describe it.
God is with me. Sometimes I can feel Him stronger & closer than at others. Sometimes I question & curse Him in the night out of sheer frustration when I can't sleep and feel so painfully alone & confused. More often I thank Him for knowing me, and my heart, and loving me despite all the flaws in-between.
Last night I slept. Real, actual sleep. Sleep where I woke up this morning and my pajamas were soaked in sweat. Dreams, REM & recharging sleep. It'd been almost a month of averaging 1-4 hours of sleep a night, but rarely more. I pray there are more nights of sleep like last night.
10 comments:
((hugs)) I know how you feel and it's not a fun feeling. I hope things get better and come to a end quickly. Hang in there and keep your head up!
I am so happy I checked in with you today - been waiting to see how you're doing. It's so good to hear your hope and understanding. You have been in my thoughts with frequency and I will keep you there until you find the answers you seek.
Lots of love to you and the family.
Been thinking of you...
^ that was me!
Keeping your family in thoughts and prayers.
---Nikki
praying that you find what your looking for..... Miss you! I have been in Lansing a few times and always think of you when I'm going through town!
Marissa, I think we are both being stretched to the limit at the same time. I feel your pain, your comfort, your struggles. It's so hard, but personal growth isn't freely given. Or so I'm finding out. :) I pray for you all the time, and think of you all the time...and hope you are comforted. Answers are hard to come by, I know... <3
Hang in there... even if only by a thread. I love your title...
FYI: Come over to my page to check out the free diaper I am giving away.
Love... Hot Belly Mama
still thinking of you...
Well shit, Ellisa said what I wanted to say... hmmm How's this
( . )( . ) instead?
Post a Comment