Milestones

THE LOOK OF ACCOMPLISHMENT:
(yes, we need to tighten his helmet)

Wilson asked to have his training wheels taken off his bicycle this weekend. He was up and running within minutes, with very little instruction. He only hit my sisters car once. It was so funny though, probably more so because he didn't hurt, scratch or dent the car, nor himself, he just sort of bounced off it. Enjoy the video, because this mama actually got it on film. My sister was hardly amused however. ;)

In other exciting news, Evie is showing crazy interest in the potty. I'm running with it. She's even been insisting on sitting in front of the tv sitting on her princess potty seat. If only it was an actual potty, nope, its just the seat insert. God help the carpet. Thankfully she's been wearing clothes while insisting on this feat.

this time on the actual toilet, not the carpet:

SELF-PRIDE =

mental reboot.

my brain just rebooted.
i'm so glad it did.
it was a gift, indeed.

things i thought held some sort of priority
suddenly don't seem so important anymore.

something i thought i'd given up hope on
build a wall around
and pretended not to care
i see crystal clear now
i'd be utterly & completely lost without it.

a few words were meant to be just that; a few words.
unsolicited
the worst kind of advice.

those words stung
they hurt
but were true.

i got the gift i didn't ask for;
a kick in the pants,
a punch in the gut,
the mental reboot,
just what i needed.

big brothers sometimes come in handy
even if they are saying things you really don't want to hear.

a new day
a new outlook
a new attitude
renewed optimism.

apologies have been said
accepted, i don't know
one was and i'm running with it

it was, by leaps & bounds, the most important one after all anyway.

ugh. grrrrr. hmpft.

I'm one of the first ones piping up "Girls ROCK!" when someone makes a disparaging comment about boys being awesome and that girls suck... or drool, or whatever gets said. Need I remind anyone I live in a house FULL of boys?!

I love being a girl. If given a choice, I'd choose to be a girl over being a boy any day hands down, because truth be told, GIRLS ROCK. I wouldn't trade these beautiful boobies for nothin'.

There is an angle, however, about being a girl that really bites. Hormones. Irritability over trivial things. Mood swings. They suck.

My moods often change on a dime. I hate it. Half the month I seem ok, the other half, watch out rolly coaster, here I come. Hard to imagine but I hate it more than those forced to be subjected to it.

I went from Thursday down, Friday up, to now Saturday = pissy.

I'm pissy over something dumb that I should totally be handling better than I am. In the grand scheme of life, IT.REALLY.IS.NO.BIG.DEAL.AT.ALL. Like such a non-big deal that it wouldn't have even put a blip on the irritability radar of my husband. Not one stankin' blip.

Part of what I loathe about being a girl is that we tend to make a huge deal over things that aren't even worth worrying about, let alone actually being PISSED about - guys rarely seem to do this. Men get pissed, have a beer, say FUCK IT and move on, if they even get affected by what was said or done to begin with. I so want to subscribe to this sort of guy mentality. If there is any man who can offer me suggestions as to how to obtain this, I'm all ears. I think the only men who read my blog are my dad & my husband though... Garth? Dad?

I'm sure my dad's advice will be to stop swearing so much. Eh, probably Garth's advice to me won't be much different. I think they both tend to get lost amongst my lust for 4-letter words. (sorry).

I digress...

Pipe up, girls. What happens to us when something gets under our skin? Tell me I'm completely off my rocker in that we hear something, interpret it, analyze it, stew over it, obsess about it, complain about it, analyze it some more, internalize it, externalize it, cry over it, sigh over it, bitch to our friends about it, shop over it... why can't we just have a beer, say FUCK IT and let it go?!

I really just need to get over myself. FUCK IT.

ready for the weeeeeeeeeeeeeekend.

I'm feeling much, much better today than I did yesterday.

Not much a 12 hour nap can't fix. I went to bed last night at 7pm, I simply couldn't keep my eyes open another minute.

I got out of bed this morning at 7am feeling a lot better about life than when I crawled in.

Refreshed, I tossed my work out clothes on and hit the gym. Nothing a good workout can't fix either. With sore abs, that still remind me daily that I'm not yet up to par, I worked harder than I have since pre-surgery but still within reason. I can't wait to be able to go back to doing sit-ups and crunches. Oddly, I miss them.

Adding to the delight of my morning, I stopped and got some Beaners Biggby's coffee. The world is a better place to live with a little Beaners Biggby coffee. If you've never had it, you are missing out. Starbucks ain't got nothing on Beaners Biggby's.

Its 10am, I'm up, exercised, showered, dressed, and caffeinated. Add to that its FRIDAY & its shoring up to be quite a fantastical day already. Let's hope my mood stays like this throughout the weekend since we sure have a busy (& fun!) one planned!

blah blah black sheep.

Blech.
I'm feeling down.
I'm feeling blah.
I'm feeling overwhelmed.
I'm physically exhausted.

I want school to start.
I crave routine.
I don't want our schedules to once again explode though.
A true catch-22.

Between my surgery, Garth's traveling,
the kids' theatre production,
Garth's upcoming knee surgery,
we haven't done shit this summer as a family.

No camping trips.
No weekends away.
No amusement parks.
The days just run together.
Days of nothingness.

My mind reels
My anxiety heightens
I don't sleep much anymore

Last night I went to sleep
well after 2am
and dreamt that I
vandalized a building
and stole a car from a shopping plaza
for no apparent reason
I was in the process of turning myself in
when I was awoken by the sound of our deadbolt
being flipped open.

My 7 year old
opening the door for a stranger
WTF?
(that's WHAT THE FUCK to the non-acronymers)
I bolt to the door
and have 2 college aged girls there
spouting off about children's books they are peddling.

I was kind, as kind as I know how
I pointed to the NO SOLICITING sign at the doorbell.
It was 8:30 in the morning
Not only should they NOT BE SOLICITING at my door
its 8:30 in the morning for fucks sake

The girl ignored my dagger eyes, finger pointing to the sign
and kept talking
I interrupted her
"what part of NO SOLICITING is in need of an explanation here?" i demanded.
she started her brainwashed spiel about the damn kids books all over again.
What the hell? Was she an alien or
was Candid Camera hiding in the bushes?!

I dropped the F bomb and slammed the door.
If looks could actually kill, she's stiffening up on my porch as i type.
But she quite possibly is still out there rambling her cult-like speech
about fucking children's books.

NO SOLICITORS!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHH! I.HATE.SOLICITORS!!!

Turning from the now slammed door
I plopped my ass on the couch and
berated my 7 year old for opening the door
to strangers - to anyone
while his mother is asleep.
He knows better.
Or at least I thought he did.
I talked. I questioned.
I'm positive he wasn't listening.
His eyes glazed over
just biding time until he could go back to Sponge Bob.
We're going to have to have this discussion again.
And again.
And again.

I need a massage.
I need a nap.
I need a break.

Mama needs a drink.

a mane mess.

There are few, very few, downsides to losing any significant amount of weight. The upsides are plenty but one of the downsides has really got me... well, down.

One thing I've always had going for me, regardless of my weight, relationship status, financial situation, whatever... is great hair. I was blessed with awesome hair genes and both my parents still have rocking stellar full mops on their heads.

Weight loss, or rather drastic calorie reduction, can really take a toll on ones hair. Mine fell victim in a serious way. My sister, hair stylist extraordinaire, commented she estimates I probably lost about half my hair volume over the past 8 months. The exact same thing happened to her just a few years ago under the same weight loss circumstances and its only now slowly coming back. I guess karma is truly a bitch for the times I cracked jokes about her hair extensions. They're not looking like such a bad idea now.

Karma. Don't play that game.

I used to have a plush full rug and now I've got thin, lifeless hair. It's depressing. That said, I'd rather be thin headed & THIN than thick headed & THICK so I try hard to keep things in proper perspective.

I was flipping through tv channels and this new product, BumpIts, caught my eye on a home shopping network last week. I so want to try it but don't want to waste $25 if it completely sucks. It gets mixed reviews online. Never in a million years did I think my awesome tresses would even need such a crazy contraption. BumpIts do look neat though and my sister wants to give them a try as well.

Now that I'm pretty much maintaining my weight I hope my hair will begin to fill back in, and soon. My shower drain, hair brush and bathroom floor would thank me, most definitely.

We girls do some crazy shit in the name of vanity...

cock... sack... what?!

Ugh.

Late last week, Everly started acting like a jerk. A few days of cranky kid & a few sleepless nights thrown in for good measure and I was slowly driven to the brink of insanity. At one point on Sunday I actually had a meltdown over it. I just couldn't take another minute of the constant whining. I couldn't pacifier or soothe her no matter what I tried.

She had no symptoms of anything. No fever, no signs of sickness. Just clingy, cranky and defiant as shit. I decided Sunday if she kept it up I'd take her to the doctor on Monday to see if something was up with her ears. It's usually her ears.

By Sunday afternoon, I had a splitting headache, was sick to my stomach and just didn't feel right. Caffeine, Tylenol, Advil...nothing helped.

Wilson began complaining of a headache. Brenden thought he was going to puke. Jackson, the forever resilient one, complained he didn't feel good either. Nice.

Monday morning rolls around. Ev's cranky, Wilson has a headache, stomach ache and a sore throat. Brenden's throat hurts. Jack just "doesn't feel good".

I call the Dr. I made appointments for Everly & Wilson, the 2 worst ones. Depending on their diagnosis she said she'd either figure it out or she'd see all 4.

"Everly's ears are fine but wow, come look in her throat". Sweet madness, well looky there. Sick little lesions cover the back of her mouth & throat. She has some spots on her chin too but did I notice they were anything more than possible bug bites? Nope, great mama I am.

"Wilson's ears are fine too but wow Mom, come look in his throat." Gross. The strep test came back negative. 2nd swap will be tested more thoroughly and we'll know the results in a day or two. He has spots on his hands.

Diagnosis: coxsackievirus, aka hand-foot-mouth disease. Ahh, the mere mention of the words fecal and mouth in the same sentence makes a mama proud. Barf.

I was instructed to check the other 2 boys at home and keep the infected ones away from the general public for at least another 3-4 days.

Boy 1 = yuck.
Boy 2 = yup, yup + spots on his feet.

All 4 of 'em. Lucky us, we managed to get the full trifecta; spots on hands, feet & mouth. I found some sick, sarcastic humor in that.

And Mama feels like dookie balls too.

Is it the weekend yet?

maybe, baby?

Forget any thought of an actual infant being involved in the title of my post. There ain't no 'maybe we should have another baby' thoughts streaming through this head.

But there have been these nagging thoughts raging my brain lately. Perhaps its the big 3-5 birthday that is looming just up ahead in a few months. Perhaps its because my obsession over my weight loss & exercise goals are now firmly within reach and are no longer in need of an obsession status. Perhaps its the overwhelming feelings that have been creeping up on me the past 7 years, feelings of 'Is this it?! There has to be more to life than this!!!'

I love my kids. I really do. Even when I'm completely overloaded and anxiety levels are high, I still completely & utterly adore them. I like being home with them and love that I have the ability to. I am, however, often left feeling rather unproductive with my life and wonder if I'm living up to my full potential. The lazy chic who is firmly established in my brain says things are just fine as status quo. The other chic, the forever perfectionist, forever searching for more, says I'm letting life pass me by and that I need to get back out there in the real world. You know, that world where people don't use the following terminology on a hourly basis: poopy, butt, whine, mess, snot, boogerface.

About a year ago I decided I wanted to go back to school. Take my degree and go significantly further. Embrace my original career goal (that being a mortician) and actually peek further into its possibilities. My desire got swayed when I learned the only school in the entire state which offers my degree is a solid 1.5+ hours away and they never responded to my email inquiry anyway. 4 kids + 3 schools + 3 sports + winter germs + traveling husband = limited possibilities. I threw myself into my weight loss goals instead and before I knew it, the dream of a degree in mortuary science had once again faded... but I am now skinny! So its not exactly as if I'm a complete goal-dodger.

That nagging feeling to see this crazy & not-for-everyone career goal desire? It's back. Perhaps I'll research it a little more and/or look locally for any possibilities of an apprenticeship. I know for now I'll most likely do nothing. It's my usual way of dealing with the unknown or lack of confidence in myself. It's the lazy chic trying her best to squash the perfectionist chic and sadly, she usually wins.

Ice cream & some after hours wading.

'scuse the no makeup, I said the trip was impromptu!

leary of the shark infested waters at sunset.

She was super pissed when it was time to go home!

Check out the height of my sunflower plants & corn!!

Oh yes that IS corn growing!!!

"I'm Evie! I'm two!"

I uploaded a bunch of pictures this morning from an impromptu trip we took last night to the lake for ice cream. Maybe I'll post some tomorrow. Today I'll post a video I took yesterday of Everly, who is so cute I could put a fork in her & eat her whole. Not too shabby talking for a kid who went the 1st year of her life with an undetected hearing loss, eh?

Since it took me more than an hour to upload the video to photobucket yesterday (what is UP with that?!) to share with Garth, and 'ol blogspot isn't much faster uploading it today, I'm already so over uploading things, it's all I can share today.

(note to self: Self, you need a better camera)

Oh, and I reached my all time lowest weight today -53.2 lbs.
:::insert white girl version of cabbage patch dance here:::