2 blog entries, 1 day.

It was time to accept the inevitable. My long locks had seen better days. Out with the old... er, dead actually.

I've always had great hair. Even with about 50% of the thickness I'm used to, no thanks to one of the downsides of weight loss, I still have pretty awesome hair. I don't have the prettiest face but I do have some damn fine hair. Regardless, the time had come to admit my hair was beginning to resemble hay, was getting really hard to comb through and you can only wear your hair in so many ponytails before you realize its sort of dumb to hang on to something that really needs to go. (hmmm, sort of like a few posts back... to which I've still heard no reply. Anyone see my face? Its blue. No really its not. I'm hurt but I'm ok. Really.)

Today I had a haircut appointment. I asked my sister to surprise me. Just cut it cute and cut off what clearly should no longer be there.

I'll miss my long, luscious locks but it does feel far more soft & manageable now and its just hair, it grows. I hope I'm able to keep it a little healthier for awhile. Well, until I feel the strong urge for more highlights up in there... who can resist a little bleach now & again anyway?!

A week in review.

Fishing, autumn camping, chaos, oh my!

After hurricane Ike derailed our camping trip by a day, our campsite was finally before us.

So we switched campsites. All was well with the world again and the rain, oh the rain, it finally stopped. I can honestly say I've never in my life seen so much constant, down pouring, days on end rain.


4 kids in a pop up camper = chaos. It has heat, it beats tent camping, I'm not complaining. The kids know no different and love camping.


They also love fishing. I love fishing, minus the fishhook that made its way into my forearm thanks to a carefree, ugly-stick wielding 5 year old. Want to hear me scream like the apocalypse is coming? Hook me with a fishhook in the arm.

It's a really good thing the kids didn't realize that the fish they were catching are often not considered "fish" to some, but rather "bait".

Below is a fish in my hand - the first fish I've ever touched on a hook. I not only took it off the hook by myself, I held it and then threw it back in. I've still never put a worm on a hook by myself, nor do I intend to.

We also like to fish with walnuts as bait. Why? Your guess. That's what Wilson does. Walnut fishing embodies Wilson to a tee.

Grandma & (step)Grandpa were right next door. I hope they had fun, despite all the chaos our family brings with us.

It's also not everyday that you get to encounter a wild animal, totally unafraid of you who will boldly walk right up to you, and your campsite, and steal one of your forks. Gross. You can have it, Mr. Rabid Raccoon.


We're home, we're clean once again and it felt awesome to sleep in my own bed. I'd love to say my spirit was renewed on this home-away-from-home camping trip but I'd be lying. I need a vacation from my vacation. And a massage. And some alone time with a book - perhaps the one I took with me that never got cracked open.

Get it? Get over it?

Dear friend:

I pride myself on being a good friend. I make mistakes, I say things out of turn, I'm crass, I've pissed people off. Undoubtedly, people either love me or loathe me. It's just something I've had to come to accept.

But you. You've been my 'best' friend almost as long as I've known how to be a friend, 25 years now. But does having a friendship for a lifetime actually mean a lifetime of friendship? I'm beginning to think maybe it doesn't. If this is the 'best' that it gets, I think I should give up on friendships altogether.

For some reason, you've always found it ok to just push me aside when you want to. I get your voicemail when I call. I send emails that get no response. But, when you're ready, I always come running back, much like a panting tail-wagging puppy when you deem our friendship should suddenly get back on track.

When my life is good, I want you there. When my life is bad, I want you there.
When your life is good, I want to be there. When your life is bad, I want to be there.

When I got a divorce, you were nowhere to be found for months on end because during my hardship you had a new relationship. You couldn't be bogged down with my need, so you simply disappeared.

Pain.
Realizations.
But still I came back when you asked me to.

Is it me? Am I lacking somewhere in the friendship department that is a turnoff? Do I expect too much? Is that why you toss me aside? If it is me, could you clue me in sometime on what character flaw it is that I carry? I want to work on whatever it is that I do, or don't do, so that I NEVER do it again to someone else, or you, or anyone. I'm not a stalker, I've never pushed myself on you. But shit, having been friends with you for most of my life, you'd think we could say anything to one another. And have. But only when you wanted to.

Three years ago you disappeared for more than a year and a half. For weeks & months of not getting in contact with you via voicemail nor email, I called your mom just to make sure you were still alive. I didn't call to hunt you down. I called her because I genuinely care about you. You were alive, just ignoring me. Oh the pain in finding out I was pregnant but had already given up getting in contact with you. The bittersweet feelings of then discovering I was having my first daughter and my 'best' friend was too busy to care.

You called right before my baby was due. My news was ok but that wasn't why you called. You called because you'd gotten engaged. Nothing in my life warranted a response from you. But something exciting happening in yours that you were busting at the seams to share.

I came back again. I helped throw you a bachelorette party, attended your shower, stood up in your wedding. A part of your life again.

And then. Gone again.

Back.

Gone yet again.

Now I get an email. You want back in. I respond with honesty. "This hurts".

I don't need you everyday, we're grown ups now with lives of our own. I don't need much. Maybe a friend? I gave up on the 'best' part a long time ago. It was a painful title to let go of but I did.

You knew I had surgery in June. If you read my blog, which I believe that you do, you'd also know I've clearly been depressed over the summer. Where were you? Where are you?! You said your life has been hard, you've been busy, working on your marriage. Why wouldn't you let me be there for you? We used to talk about everything. You say I'm a great listener. I' think I'm missing something here.

My response email to you got me what?
It's now been a week and it got me what I expected. Nothing.
No response.
This hurts. again. and again. and again. The pain is almost my own fault at this point.

I am not a panting tail-wagging puppy. I'm also not a beaten dog. I'm not a victim. I'm not a whiner. I'm not a begger. I'm just a person who's known you forever. I'm just a friend who tries to be there for you through the good and bad. I'm also just a girl who's hurting inside and wondering what I need to say for you to "get it". Friendships are 2-way streets. This 1-way avenue feels like its got a dead end. I so wish it were a cul-de-sac so we could turn this around. Maybe its time to throw in the towel to the alternative I've tried to deny myself of for so long. It may be time to just "get over it". And you.

That plan feels so painful.
But then again, honestly, so does this friendship. :*(
~Marissa

friends, paint & laundry.

Last night I went out to dinner with 2 moms I met at preschool, Katie & Brooke. We meant to go out over the summer but I had my surgery, Katie had a baby... life just has a way of getting in the way.

Dinner was a lot of fun. We went to the italian restaurant Bravo, had great food, great drinks and a lot of laughter. Often I forget how nice it is to just step away from the mom & wife role and just be a friend for a few hours. I'm grateful they asked me to join them and hope we can do it again soon...maybe with a designated driver (aka Big Daddy Taxi) & a lot more cocktails. Next time I hope to ask Anisa to join us, it would be a really fun 4-some to hang out with. So Katie & Brooke, since I know you read my blog - thank you for inviting me and please ask again soon!!! And Anisa, since I know you also read my blog - you're going to have to join us next time, it'll be a great group for us! (Anisa & I are always looking for equally cool & fun people to hang with).

Moving on to paint...

I've got paint sample cards taped to the walls. I loved the 3 colors I chose in the store and out in natural light but hanging on my dining room wall they do look kind of dark. I want deep, rich color but I don't want my house to become a dark dungeon either. I think we'll have to just buy a sample of the actual paint and toss a little on the walls to see if we like it. We really need to do this, and soon. Our house needs the touch up but man, its feels like its going to be a lot of work. Ugh. I'm too lazy for all of this - can't we just write a check, go out of town for a weekend and come home to a freshly painted house with all the furniture back neatly in place? If so, vacuum behind the furniture before you put it back in place Mr. House Painter, ok?


Laundry...

Laundry, oh laundry. Do you ever end? If I searched the word laundry in my blog it quite possibly could come up more times than any other word mentioned. Boobs or juglets would follow right behind most likely. My use, or overuse, of the word laundry is a direct result of my being daily immersed up to my elbows on an all day, every day basis. It frickin' NEVER ENDS! I will get caught up, breathe and then boom, the teenager dumps more than a loads worth on the floor that he's kept hidden in his lair.

Kitchen towels & little boy underpants. I could do full loads daily of just those 2 things. What the hell is up with that?! Don't ask, I don't understand it either.

As I type I've got 2 couch throw pillows washing trying to get blue pen scribbles off them thanks to Everly's budding artistic abilities. Why I even bother I'll never know. They've been washed so many times its embarrassing & the seams in all of them are coming unraveled. You'd think we were living with college hand-me-down furniture instead of the rather expensive but still coming-apart-at-the-seams furniture we bought new just a few years ago at The Pilgrim House.

Kids. Can't live with 'em if you want nice things, can't live without 'em without getting the police involved.

Trivia: Did you know a family of 6 can each wear 1 pair of jeans a day and the next day that equals an entire load of laundry? Not to mention the other pants, shirts, undershirts, underpants, socks, pajamas, dishtowels, bath towels, sheets, blankets, football uniforms, soccer uniforms, cloth diapers (though not lately, admittedly I've gone off the lazy deep end & we're currently filling up landfills faster than Garth can clean them up) and written on throw pillows. See a pattern to my life here? It NEVER ENDS!

Happy Weekend, beloved blog readers.
I'm off to change out the LAUNDRY.

Babes & Boobs.

An odd match to combine my daughter & my new beloved set of beauties all in one blog post? Nah... she's part of the reason I earned the new set to begin with.

A couple recent pics of my daughter Everly, age 2, one of the bright lights in my life:

This smiling face is what greeted me this morning. I had my camera in hand from taking my own pics (see below) and snapped this as I walked into the room. It's only September and we're already wearing sleeper pajamas. Crazy that it was only 40 degrees this morning!!



Here's the new juglet set, 8 days post-surgery. The left side is already darn near perfect, dropped into place and very little swelling remains. The right side, well, its got a ways to go yet but I've learned its pretty normal to be lopsided for awhile on your dominant side. My guess is you'd stay sitting high if you were an implant looking to go south toward that bruised mess too.

No worries, I won't have one boob up to my clavicle forever...I'd have it repaired if that were the case! The already beautiful left side is actually way ahead of the game, it'd be pretty normal to have them both still riding high, just 8 days out from surgery.

The right side of my body, looking quite frightening to say the least:

score!

Wanted to hit up Victoria's Secret in celebration of my new juglets.

Decided last minute to look online to see if I could find any in-store coupons to print off & take with me.

Found one, take $10 off any bra plus a free panty. Awesome!

I've had a $25 VS gift card rumbling around in my wallet since Christmas, one that Garth won at a work holiday party. I've hoarded it, waiting until I lost this weight and/or gained a new bra size.

I tried on many, settling on 2 that fit fabulous, even with my slight post-surgical swelling still intact. Ventured over to the free panty section & found a cute pink pair that matched one of the bras.

Headed to the check out, used my coupon and what I thought was a $25 gift card turned out to actually be a $40 gift card (YES!). Paid the difference, $32 something with tax. Not bad for 2 Victoria's Secret bras & a pair of underpants.

Got to my car, glanced over the receipt. Realize I was charged $42 for the $38 bra. Back into the store I went. Explained to college age cashier I needed the $4 (plus tax) difference back plus my $5 Michigan scanning law compensation. She looked at me like I was a huge annoyance, said her register mistake didn't fall under the law and asked, while rolling her eyes, if I needed her to find the manager. I told her politely that yes, my purchase did fall under the law and yes, please find the manager if that would be neccesary to obtain my compensation.

$4.24 price correction & $5 MI scanning law reimbursement later, I left the store, smug.

$81.50 worth of merchandise
-$7.50 coupon
-$10.00 coupon
-$40.00 gift card
-$5.00 MI scanning law compensation
-----------------------
$22, out of my pocket. Sweeeeeeeeeeet.


UPDATE: Epiphany strikes!

Reread the $10 + free panty coupon. It doesn't say, ONE PER CUSTOMER. It reads ONE PER DAY. Oh snap! Reprint coupon. Maybe another one, just to be safe.

Return to VS this morning. Return 2nd bra. Purchase again with 2nd $10 coupon & obtain 2nd free panty. No problem says very cool, and different from yesterday saleswoman. I think my complimenting her awesome shoes set the tone for a flawless transaction.

New tally:

$7.50 panty = FREE
$7.50 panty = FREE
$36 bra - $10 coupon
$38 bra - $10 coupon
-$40 gift card
-$5 MI scanning law reimbursment
-----------------------
$12 out of my pocket for $89 of VS merchandise.

I.LOVE.GREAT.SHOPPING.TRIPS!!!

Ok, so do I push my luck & ask? Will she let me use yet another coupon today, or must I really wait until tomorrow? I ask. She couldn't give a rip. Sweeeet.

I leave the store, elated, now up 3 VS bras & 3 free panties to celebrate the new bod & juglets. No sweet gift card today to help defray the cost of one more bra, but I did save yet another $10 on it and got yet another pair of free panties. All in all, I have to say I still ended up with one pretty sweet deal.

I. ROCK.

** My mom just called. She has another coupon for me for yet another pair of free panties. No purchase necessary. Rock on, Mama! **

boring but busy.

Not much new going on here. We went to a pesto party at a friends house yesterday and that was a lot of fun, as it has been each year in the past. Good friends, great food and cold beer (& wine). It doesn't get much better than that.

The kids spent the night at my sister-in-law's and had a blast riding the tractor, having a bonfire, making smores and playing with her pet duck & pet rooster. The duck & rooster are an odd couple; both inseparable buddies & friendly, though a little skiddish around people they don't know. The duck scares the shit out of me but the rooster will follow you around like it thinks its a dog or something. Weird.

Today we got paint swatches to paint the entire 1st floor of the house. We're looking at a deep red, a goldish/burnt yellow, a coffee bean brown and possibly a coordinating green or dark blue for colors.

Brenden's 1st football game is this afternoon and we have perfect weather for it which is a plus. I've sat through many a football game in snowstorms, rainstorms and even hail.

My recovery has veered off a little from what I'd expected. One side of my body is already losing its swelling, the implant is settling into place nicely and not a mark on me other than the tape over the incision. The other side has the implant still sitting really high and I'm bruised & swollen from my collar bone clear to my hip bone in lovely differing shades of yellow, red, purple & black. I knew there would be some bruising but what I've got is definitely more than I anticipated. Another week and I should be good to go. Fingers crossed on that anyway. Even with this 'fluid collection' thing under my skin, the steady discomfort of recovery and the occasional sloshing, I'd do it again in a heartbeat. My jugs look crazily amazing.

I'm off like a prom dress to hit up Victoria's Secret - va va va voom!

oh you lovely things...

Dear lovely new boobies,

You are hurting me. Your uber-swollen perky loveliness is bringing me much discomfort these past 2 days. You feel like a baby elephant sitting on my chest. Your beautiful roundness rises clear up to my collar bone and spreads as far as under my arms too. Don't get me wrong, I love you. I'm so glad to have you in my life. I waited years for you. I tried on a bathing suit top yesterday and giggled at your wonderfulness. But when you slosh & make gurgling noises in there, it makes me want to vomit. Today I hovered over the toilet doing just that. You can stop that sloshing around any time now, the dr. assures me you will soon.

You are wonderful, you are full, you love bags of ice & I love narcotics. You're also hurting me like a mother F'er right now.

Signed,
No Regrets

The 1st day of school finally arrived!

Off to 8th grade, 2nd grade & kindergarten they went!

Where does the time go?!

As for my surgery, I'm alive, incredibly sore but happy!

What do ya think of 'em?!

Real pics, in clothes, coming soon. :)

Happy Labor Day!

Tomorrow is the 1st day of school. Once the annual obligatory pictures are taken, buses have come & gone, a few tears no doubt shed by Mom and the school year is officially underway, I'm going under. Anesthesia that is.

My 2nd surgery day has almost arrived.

This year I have lost 53 lbs, shed many inches, burned fat & built muscle to replace it. I've gained confidence in the gym and in myself. I've learned about eating right and what a fair portion really should be. I drink less alcohol. My brain works differently now in regards to healthy living. In honor of it being Labor Day and all, I feel like I've done the sweat equity labor and tomorrow I will reap a sweet reward.

Tomorrow I go in for the final step. The part I've been waiting nearly 15 years for.

Boobies, sweet, boobies. I love boobies. Lovely, round perky boobies. The only time I've had beautiful cleavage I was either pregnant, nursing or just plain FAT. I've always wanted to feel great about myself & my breasts at the same time. Boobs aren't for everyone. Some could give or take them. For me, I'll take them! I make zero apologies for my lust over nice boobies - if men can oogle, love & appreciate a good rack, why can't I?!

My birthday celebration this year, the big 35, will be so much more celebratory than self-conscious like last year. I'm very much looking forward to my upcoming birthmonth.

Nov. 2007 ~ My birthday celebration

(I'm the fat chic on the right)

Today: Sept. 1, 2008

Here's to pretty, perky, round, full, lovely boobies. Wish me luck. :)