shuffle shuffle flap flap toe touch.

New Years Resolutions.

Who keeps 'em?

I DO!

In 2009 I will battle that last 20 lbs. I want to lose. It may take the entire year but I WILL lose it.

I will continue to strive to clean up my insides, all while battling the bulge of my outsides.

Another resolution I made for 2009 was to take a class in something new. Just a few days later in our gym's newsletter was a listing for a beginner level adult tap dance class. YES! There's my sign. I was the first person enrolled.

Last night was my 1st class. I approached the studio with apprehension and excitement. I'm back feeling overweight, gumpy and a far cry from that college pom girl I once was.

'Oh hell, get over yourself and have some fun!', I silently cursed myself.

"Hi, are you new too?", I was asked by 2 adorable late 20/early 30something girls waiting by the door.

"I am!", I gushed and explained this was my New Years resolution. Telling me they thought that was so cool, they welcomed me right into their fold as we realized we 3 were THE 'new girls' in the class. The other 5 participants had taken the class at least once before and were so obviously further advanced than us. I later learned one of the new girls is also the younger sister of a wonderful friend of mine. "It's a small world..."

Together we learned to shuffle, flap, pivot, toe/heel and step/ball change/kick. We laughed often and high-5'ed one another when we successfully made it across the floor even though we all struggled to walk and flap at the same time.

This tap thing is going to be a challenge. I don't feel as confident and comfortable in my own skin as I once had while dancing. I watched myself in the mirror self-consciously wondering if other people saw the same wobbly, chubby, uber-pale girl I saw. Constantly my own bully, I honestly struggled with my body image self-doubt each time I caught my own reflection. I am so very determined to overcome this. I really am.

Feeling challenged is a good thing - the next 10 weeks will be a great thing for me. I watch myself in that mirror, proud for jumping feet first into something so unfamiliar. I also watch myself in that same mirror, not completely comfortable with the image that stares back. I'm determined to learn this craft, at least at a beginners level, and I'm equally determined to learn to look in the mirror and for once, be content with the person who stares back at me.

My rack, however, looked stellar. I'm going to just have to build off the foundation of that confidence.