my achilles heel healed.

I thought babies would be my achilles heel to this profession.

I've now seen 3 babies at our funeral home. While incredibly sad, I never felt a connection to them -- they were somebodies baby, they were undoubtedly loved, but they weren't my baby if that makes sense. Those 3 babies definitely brought more emotion than someone in their 90's who lived a long, full life though. However, I still felt a sense of disconnect. My boss says its ok to feel a respectful disconnect with the deceased, its a normal protection mechanism, as long as you stay connected with the living whom you are serving.

I've now seen my 1st homicide victim. She brought me to the achilles heel, the absolute can-i-really-do-this moment of questioning myself. I've been deeply affected by this woman's cut too short life. I won't let myself get too emotionally involved, I just can't, but I've spent a lot of time thinking of this woman, who was close to my own age, what her last moments must have been like and her freshly pedicured toenails. I know, I know... toenails?! Incredibly odd that toenails got to me but I can't help but wonder if she had any inkling it would be her last pedicure. Surely she didn't. That makes me so incredibly sad.

I've also now seen my 1st autopsied body as well. Woah. Thankfully I was completely overcome with fascination & awe, not nausea. It was a lot to take in though that's for sure.

I recently received both my letters of recommendation for mortuary school. My two bosses had such wonderful things to say about me -- though one of my bosses joked that his letter is chock full of lies. I work with the most fun people, seriously. A lot of people can't claim they love their job. I love my job.

My mortuary school application goes in next week when my transcripts, including my summer class, will be ready. I'm excited, nervous, anxious... but mostly feeling really excited.

Not only can I really do this, I am really doing this.