Wiped out.

I'm at a weight loss plateau. I feel like I'm hitting a wall and its not a wall where I want to stay. I've got goals and I'm not a quitter. But come on, throw the girl a bone once in awhile.

I'm still exhausted from this past weekend. Like dragging ass exhausted. We were always on the go but worse, I haven't slept a whole night through in about a month. I'm a 8-10 hour a night sleeper and this 4-6 hour shit is getting old fast. I feel like I could just shut my eyes at any moment and sleep for 12 straight hours, wake up and eat, and sleep another 12. This insomnia is really taking a toll on me.

On the upside, I am sporting a new workout outfit today that my mother-in-law bought me last week. A few new workout outfits are just what I needed. All my old gym clothes were just hanging off me and were looking haggard to say the least. I decided I was too tired to go to the gym this morning but now that the afternoon is wearing on, I'm feeling too guilty not to go so I'll go later this afternoon and just get it over with.

This weight loss commitment is exhausting. Far more than the physical exhaustion of constantly working out is the mental exhaustion. I write down every single thing that sees my lips, in measured quantities. Always being two steps ahead of the next meal, that are supposed to be 2 hours between one another, is seriously a drag. I don't miss most of the foods that I've given up in search of a new, healthier me but I do miss the ease of wanting something, grabbing it and just eating it without evaluating or debating the consequences. Some days I just want a huge bowl of pasta with lots of marinara, dang it.

Basically I can sum up my entire mental & physical state right now in one word: exhausted.