nerves of steel. or just nerves.

17 more days until my surgery. With anticipation & excitement I very much am looking forward to it.

After the gym this morning I had a (healthy!) breakfast with my sister & friend Tina. I was able to ask Tina all the questions about my surgery & recovery that have been weighing on my mind. She had a similar surgery a year or two ago, although mine has a few added procedures included that she didn't have, all of which in hindsight, she wished she had.

After breakfast my mind was going a mile a minute. I'm still excited but admittedly now even more than a little hesitant about the recovery. I expect it to be bad. I mean, my body is essentially being flip-topped open & all. I guess I thought, like my c-sections, I'd be up & moving pretty decent within a week. She told me to think closer to a month. Plan for three months until I'm ready to exercise with any intensity & not be surprised if its closer to four. She reminded me to watch my food during those months as its easy to slip right into former bad habits when you're laid up & feeling sorry for yourself.

I knew all this, the dr. had already disclosed all of it upfront. Though with the surgery date now right on the horizon, hearing it from someone I've known for decades & who lived though it, made the reality of it all become so much more personal, no longer a futuristic pipe dream, something I could only daydream over. It's become a very real event that is about to happen very soon and it's going to hurt. Oh dang, its all making me so very nervous. Excited nervous but still very nervous just the same.

It made me feel reassured that, despite the pain involved, she'd do it again in a heartbeat.

I know I'm not making a mistake. I've waited a really long time for this. I've worked my butt off for this. I didn't make this decision lightly nor am I going into this with my eyes closed. But oh goodness, I'm nervous.