1 week.

One week ago at this very moment I was in a hospital gown, hair bonnet, surgical booties and scared out of my mind. Garth tried to remain calm, playing on his blackberry, but every once in awhile I'd look over and see on his face that he was quite nervous too.

I tried to be patient waiting for the doctor to come in and draw all over my naked body with a sharpie marker. I looked like a road map when he was finished. He showed me where my belly button would be repositioned and what areas he would liposuction. He said he would do his best to straighten out my crooked lower back tattoo but now I see that apparently wasn't possible as its as crooked as ever, if not more so. I guess I'd rather have my skin straight & even, more than a straight tattoo. A detailed & beautiful, yet slightly crooked, tattoo sort of fits my personality better anyway.

A nurse finally came for me and said it was time to go. I kissed & hugged Garth goodbye and said I'd see him soon. I entered the operating room and was scrubbed from head to toe and then laid down on the table draped in sterile blue cloths. Nervous as can be but playing it cool I laid there thinking there was no escaping it now, I was actually here and doing this. Years in the making, months of working hard, budgets reconfigured, it was finally time to actually go through with what years ago I thought was only a distant fantasy.

After five, yes FIVE, failed IV attempts, the anesthetist asked me if I just wanted to be put under and she'd get the IV after I was out. Well why did I go through all that to begin with?! PUT ME OUT! She said the anesthesia smells bad, burns a little and the medicine she would have put in my IV would have made me groggy enough not to realize it. I told her I've probably smelled worse and to just put me out. My arms and hands were burning from those IV blowouts and I was ready.

The mask was placed over my face and yuck, that "medicine" smelled awful and burned my throat. I took a few deep breaths and thought it wasn't working. I was wide awake. Just as my mind began to wonder if it would ever make me feel sleepy, I woke up in the recovery room. Six hours had passed but it felt like the snap of two fingers to me. No dreams, no tossing or turning, just one minute it was 10:30 and the next minute it was 5 o'clock. Weird.

Oww, the pain. Not incredible pain just a constant aching, pulling pain. Pain medicine = good. With just one eye open, I looked down to see what my boobs looked like and for those who know me well, they don't find this at all shocking. :) Happy to see them still there, I laid my head back down and immediately asked for Garth in a raspy, sore throat voice. Having a tube down your throat for an entire afternoon will do that to you I guess.

Garth was quickly by my side offering his hand to hold. His presence made everything better as it usually does when I'm distressed... unless its him causing me the distress. You know, like when he takes PICTURES of me in the recovery room with his phone! Grrrr.


Within an hour or so, I was in a wheelchair on my way home. Driving out of the surgical center I commented groggily to Garth that I could not believe anyone considered this out-patient surgery!

Settled in bed, Garth took care of me like no nurse at any hospital ever has. My medicine was dosed every four hours, even in the middle of the night. Water was held to my mouth when needed and ice bags were replaced when necessary. I was helped in & out of bed and my drainage tube was emptied when full. I'm not positive I could have done that task for someone else but with the nausea I was feeling I am so grateful Garth managed it, blood clots & all. Ewww.

It's been a week of recovery - and even more a week of discovery. Discovery in the very real unconditional love between Garth and myself. A deeper discovery in the true meaning of marriage. Garth has been my rock and taken care of me more than I fear I would do if the roles were reversed. That gives me a real dose of reality I need to reflect further upon, take note of and learn from.

Thank you, Garth. For your help, your support, your care. For not complaining, for just doing what needs to be done and doing it with love and patience. Thank you for making this surgery possible for me because, without a doubt, it wouldn't have been possible without you. You rock my world and I love you, unconditionally.